I'm not sure the ASPCA will take the complain if you tell them this.

Your luck ran out.

I'm calling the ASPCA on you

I'm telling them that a wild dick is running around my melting igloo.

:(

I'm gonna beat you with whatever I want, even with my jacked off dick if I have to.

Your childhood is now getting raped.

I'm so sorry dad please dont beat me with a rubber chicken.

Fuck you for giving me a boner.

Don't worry, I got that professional meth making chick over from the sensationalist headlines.

Sorry son. Everything you believed about me is wrong.

So, about that crystal meth thing...

I thought you were smart dad.

Yes.

... must be why it melts everytime.