1 No. I am a straight virgin male ok. I said that i get constipated a lot and i have hard shit a lot.

What the fuck. What kind of person retains their shit for 3 days. I shit everyday around the same time, sooo not shitting for 3 days is not good at ALL.

<----------- And what the fuck that doesn't look like David Hasselhoff. It looks like some random guy wearing a fur coat with shades shooped onto his face.

I had one of these about a year ago. Everything I did made it worse. I just stopped eating altogether for a week and it healed. (I also lost 20 lbs)

Edited:

Whatever you do DON'T EAT MORE FOOD THAT WILL MAKE THE FISSURE WORSE.

exercise your sphincter i think that will help.

Honestly, as soon as I saw the words "Anal fissure" I almost died with laughter. Something about combining those two words made me crack.

But seriously, your priorities should be: 1. Ask doctor 2. Ask parents 3. Ask facepunch

Said the guy who thinks he's a doctor and can tell everyone what their problem is.

I had an anal fissure once, it hurt like fucking hell and I was swearing my mouth off when I would take a shit. Went to the doctor and they told it was an anal fissure and gave me this ointment and told me to take some fiber supplements. It's all better now!

Semi-Related:

I once took a dump the size of a pinecone. It hurt like fuck and the water in the bowl had a red tint.

ointment = lube
fibre supplements = carrot

Wow who rated me bad spelling..

It's spelt "fibre" in the UK.

Yes i know disgusting but please this is not a joke.

About 2 days ago after i took a shit, I experience stinging pain while stressing my rectum to make the shit come forth and after that i bled out of my ass. Not like spewing out but enough to soak half a sheet of toilet paper. It was Bright red so i don't think it can be too serious. after digging on the internet around i believe that its an Anal Fissure. In the past i have always Constipated myself, Like... How do i say this... I don't take a shit every day its like every other 3 or even 4 days i know i'm weird. But as i've read, Its a minor and common condition (Which relieves me as my Mother has Irritable Bowel Syndrome[IBS]) that can be home treated. I've been drinking a lot of water (About a glass every 2 hours) and have been eating a bit less (Which includes a brief halt to coffee and breads). I don't know if i should go to the doctors (And ultimately tell my parents. Im 14) to check if its something more serious and to get professional aid or treat myself. I'm afraid to shit again because of the pain and blood but i know if i stop bowel movement, More pain will come. I don't know what to do as of now. And why i haven't told my parents is because my mom just the day before talked about how its dangerous to not shit reguarlly basically (She scared the shit out of me...)

In short:I believe i have an Anal Fissure and am deciding if i Should- Go to the doctors or just Hometreat (Plus give any advice if you can with this)
Please i know how you all are but i don't really feel in the mood for smart ass comments and sarcasm w/jokes. Please just help.

Yes i know disgusting but please this is not a joke.

About 2 days ago after i took a shit, I experience stinging pain while stressing my rectum to make the shit come forth and after that i bled out of my ass. Not like spewing out but enough to soak half a sheet of toilet paper. It was Bright red so i don't think it can be too serious. after digging on the internet around i believe that its an Anal Fissure. In the past i have always Constipated myself, Like... How do i say this... I don't take a shit every day its like every other 3 or even 4 days i know i'm weird. But as i've read, Its a minor and common condition (Which relieves me as my Mother has Irritable Bowel Syndrome[IBS]) that can be home treated. I've been drinking a lot of water (About a glass every 2 hours) and have been eating a bit less (Which includes a brief halt to coffee and breads). I don't know if i should go to the doctors (And ultimately tell my parents. Im 14) to check if its something more serious and to get professional aid or treat myself. I'm afraid to shit again because of the pain and blood but i know if i stop bowel movement, More pain will come. I don't know what to do as of now. And why i haven't told my parents is because my mom just the day before talked about how its dangerous to not shit reguarlly basically (She scared the shit out of me...)

In short:I believe i have an Anal Fissure and am deciding if i Should- Go to the doctors or just Hometreat (Plus give any advice if you can with this)
Please i know how you all are but i don't really feel in the mood for smart ass comments and sarcasm w/jokes. Please just help.

Shove an acetylene torch up there to cauterize the wound

I didn't lose my virginity till I was 16.

What. How does "getting out more" constitute a free pass to vagina. I should know. David became my avatar randomnly

Probably because he is 12 and doesn't know what the fuck he is talking about

I didn't lose my virginity till I was 16.