Sorry if i sound scattered whilst writing this, I'm very nervous and there are family in the immediate vicinity of me, ive never told a soul this and i just want to get it out.
I am a paedo.
During the summers I used to volunteer at a youth group center for grades k-5, and there was a girl, i suspect she was in maybe 4th grade (we'll call her Amellia), but we'll get to that later, I was 13 at the time . Every summer we would go to a water park, this was one of the funnest times of the year, large slides, cannonballs, all good fun. The girls in one pieces or bikinis. Amellia, in a loose purple bikini, she was the was the sexiest thing there. During the summer, I had made friends with Amellia, only reason is that i could get close to her and she wouldnt think any wiser. so me and Amellia are off in a separated portion of the public pool, "Playing".
I ask if she wants to play a game, she obliges.
"How about we play follow the leader! You be leader, and ill follow!" I ask, a slight hardon is growing at this point, but the water conceals it.
"Okay, 3... 2.... 1... GO!" She exclaims.
She starts swimming underwater, making futile dips and turns to try and get me off course. I was following right on track, My nose practically in her taint. Me with goggles, I can see everything, with every turn, her loose purple bikini sways to the left or right.
Exposing herself each time.
(oh my god i am getting hard writing this)
It was perfect, small, untouched, innocent. At this point my penis has extended i could use it as a rudder in this cold water.
(did i mention I have a fetish for having cold dick)
At this point anyone with an aerial view could see me basically sniffing her wet flower, but the water obscured vision. After we had swam halfway across the pool, I told her that she had won, and pretended to choke on water.
Noone saw anything, I got out without being labeled a pedophile by friends ive know for years.
(at this point im dreaming of other things i couldve gotten away with)
After that experience, I have majorly lightened up on being a perv. (I was a perv in school as well, but never caught, infact, when i told people i was pervy, they said i was the least pervy person they knew) I still look at Lolicon and other things looked down upon by society.
(i dont blame them im sick im sick)
This is all I have, sorry if it sounds a little dramatic, ive been reading Stephen King.
I actually do feel better, I feel much more comfortable with myself, letting people know, it feels good.
!!
Kay, so I'm gonna stir the pot with my confession; old women turn me on. Now I have to explain myself because that statement isn't entirely true. But my biggest boner is given to a certain build. It's hard to describe, but essentially it includes broad shoulders, large features, and not skinny. And I find this mostly on like mature videos and especially at school. I've had interesting classes where I couldn't help but stare in class and feed my cock these energies. It's been like this since 8th grade, when I had a dream that I lived in a treehouse village hippie shit neighborhood and my teacher turned out to be my mother or something. And then the next day at school I was eyeing her cooch thinking 'Mmmh' and then 'Whoa what teh fuck' and afterwards I fapped to her many times. And then it spread onto my science teacher, and then to my high school teachers, and it worries me that they're going to see me staring down their breasts like there's three of them on her chest. One of these teachers was probably 5'5" and 300lbs but grr the underwear through her pants hnnngh. And another teacher passed by my desk and her ass rubbed against my elbow and it was the softest thing that has ever touched me, and uunnnnnhh it was so mmmmhh. Not to mention that hot chicks my age don't give me that super boner I get from old people. I think the moral of the story is I need my dick sucked.
And I guess I could confess that my friend and I jerked each other off before. It wasn't gay, we were watching straight porno and just switched hands so it'd be an outside feeling. You should try it sometime.
No thanks.
Hello, Facestrike.
I think I might kill someone.
Some time ago I went to a trip to one of the local lakes that was being hosted by a friend of mine, and I ended up meeting the girl that I am currently dating. Well, being new to this kind of dating (previous relationship was in HS, and its very different from the real world I promise you) I decided to just... go with it. First date was okay in the sense that we still were friends afterwards, but she was way afraid of being in a relationship and I had no idea why. Well, she agrees to a second date some 2 weeks later and we go see a movie, have lunch, and hang out at the park (BEAUTIFUL weather that day, it was perfect). She breaks the fear she had and we both nail down that there is definitely something here chemistry wise. Well, some time later I go to church with them as a token of goodwill to her grandparents (whom she currently lives with) and afterwards I help them move some stuff around in their garage.
Well here is where things get relevant to the topic.
We're done moving stuff and we're all tired and watching a movie. Phone rings, she answers it, and my alarms immediately go off because the INSTANT a voice comes over that speakerphone, she comes from the kitchen to the den in an instant and is in a ball on the couch.
What in the hell is going on? I learn that its her brother on the phone.
history lesson: her family history is like... absolute hell. She and her brother grew up in an incredibly unhealthy environment. Her mother was a batshit insane woman who made her own spin-off of the 7th Day Adventists Church, of which herself and her family were the only members. Only meats they could eat were chicken and turkey. All of their money came from Government pensions, welfare, and disability checks, and most of it was spend on games and game systems. Her father is the source of the checks that get spent on games. he is a USAF enlistee, dishonorably discharged for drug use or something, I dunno, not exactly a casual conversational topic. (primarily LSD cause its cheap apparently) He was dirty, had excessive facial hair, incredibly mental issues, puked everywhere, and was generally a dirty nasty hobo of the worst kind.
her brother? Holy shit. Her brother is schizophrenic, incoherent, has a bizarre fetish with black people, incredibly and uncontrollably perverted, and is generally just a fucked up thing. I learned that my girlfriend had her thumb cut off by this guy, and she laid bleeding on the floor screaming while her mother watched and did nothing. her father was... somewhere, he didn't stick around often. It wasn't until her neighbors heard intense screaming that something was done, and she was rushed to the hospital where the thumb was re-attached, with the only sign being a scar around the base of it.
So thats all I knew about them at that point in time. Back to the present as her grandfather is chatting with this guy on phone for god knows why, she's in the other room, curled up on the couch. My sirens are going absolutely fucking insane and immediately move to where she is and try and get her to look at me and establish some kind of eye contact. No dice, she won't look up. What she does do however is allow us to hug.
I then got to watch as she emotionally and psychologically came apart in my arms, with me powerless to do anything much more than merely watch and be there for her.
She started moaning in discomfort about his voice, then silently weeping, then crying, and then uncontrolled sobs into my shoulder as my arms are tight around her.
And then she started flashbacking. Right in my arms. This beautiful girl was reduced to a sobbing, psychologically destroyed basket-case in mere minutes by just the sound of that guys voice. I knew then that there was more to the short snippets I got about her. There was so much more that I didn't know and could not even begin to fathom.
My mind is racing at all the scenarios I'm thinking of, and then I hear her start saying things.
"no, brother, stop! cut it out!"
'I'll tell mom!'
"Noooooo!"
-more sobs-
The action that she wanted him to stop was him trying to molest her. He threatened to tell mom because he knew that when mom found out that she was refusing to give brother something he wanted, she got beat within an inch of her life. She grew up knowing that whatever brother wanted, brother got. Whatever he wanted. Anything at all. Anything. And he wanted her. He molested her, and quite possibly raped her. Memories of this were surfaced just by hearing his voice, and she gripped my shirt harder and screamed out in emotional pain. Then her grandmother starts informing me of her entire fucking life history. Her parents didn't let her go to school until she was 12, and that was only because her grandparents finally won custody of her after years of battling. The courts forced her to visit her brother on countless occasions, threatening her grandparents with jail time if they didn't make sure it happened.
At some point, she calms enough to go to the bathroom and wipe her face, and when she walks out she hears him more (grandfather was still on the goddamn phone with this psycho) and breaks down again, this time going towards her grandmother as she was closest. Her grandmother continues with the fucking history lesson as her grandfather continues to fucking converse with the guy that is CAUSING all of this. It clicks in my head that her flashbacks are being triggered by audio, so I move anything I can out of the way and close the door to the den, shutting out most of the sounds from outside. I sit next to her and hug her as best I can and as much as I can, i proceed to whisper in her ear that its all over, he can't hurt her anymore, he's gone, you never have to see him or talk to him or do anything with him anymore... and I repeat that general concept while making damn sure that my voice and my breath were all she could hear, I had to drown out his voice, I had to give her as many senses to grasp on to that were still linked to reality, I needed to save her from herself.
And so I did. She began to calm down, slowly ceasing her sobs down to a muffled whimper into the lap of her grandmother. I continued to talk in her ear and comfort her as best I could manage until the fucking phone was finally hung up and it all ended. She was destroyed... and the rest of us were all shaken up to say the least. The day ended some manner of hours later. She was terrified that I would leave her after learning that she was "damaged goods". I told her that would never happen, and that she wasn't damaged goods... and she seemed to be comforted by that.
My entire drive home was dominated by paranoia. Where was he now? What did he look like? (I saw a picture of him when he was younger, but its way old) What were his habits, his quirks? ...what do I do if he comes back? He's dangerous, and that word doesn't cover it quite as much as it should. He's insane, absolutely insane. I Heard that he likes to work out, so he's apparently quite built and very tall.
Despite all of this, despite the literal hell she has LIVED through, she is... incredible. Despite starting education when she was 12, she graduated HS with a 3.98 GPA. She's not crazy, broke, anything. Yeah, she's got a dark sense of humor, but so do I, and I didn't go through... that.
Well, I just recently learned that he's mobile now. Has a moped and access to other transportation. He's mobile, and he wants to see her. That makes the possibility of meeting him very real. And I know for a fact that this isn't a "seek out family and reconcile" type thing. This man is insane. He is absolutely insane and she wants nothing to do with him. I've been running scenarios every day since then, and my conclusions are startling.
If he does return, I'll give him a chance to leave. If he takes it, cool. If not? We have a problem. He's registered in my head as a threat of the highest degree. He can, will, and has hurt her before and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let it happen again. If he comes back and tries to force his way to her, I'll kill him.
I'm serious. If he tries to get to her, I'll kill him before he does. I will end his life and remove his physical existence from this earth. I don't care what manner he goes about it, if he tries to get to her, he's dead. Simple as that.
Facepunch, I want to kill someone.
I wouldn't intend to kill, but I'd sure as hell have a knife on me at all times. That's some horror movie content right there.
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