1. Post #1841
    Gold Member
    Aperture fan's Avatar
    February 2008
    4,146 Posts
    I love it when you [DATA EXPUNGED] to my [REDACTED] with your ████.
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  2. Post #1842
    Gold Member
    ZenX2's Avatar
    February 2009
    4,914 Posts
    Montauk me like one of your French ████
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  3. Post #1843
    KingOfScience's Avatar
    February 2010
    2,735 Posts
    i'll [DATA EXPUNGED] you so hard you'll [DATA EXPUNGED][DATA EXPUNGED] start bleeding [DATA EXPUNGED][DATA EXPUNGED][DATA EXPUNGED][DATA EXPUNGED], and some roast beef, and some traffic cones, [DATA EXPUNGED][DATA EXPUNGED][DATA EXPUNGED]ALL OVER THE PLACE FOR 12 HOURS STRAIGHT[DATA EXPUNGED][DATA EXPUNGED][DATA EXPUNGED][DATA EXPUNGED][DATA EXPUNGED]and THEN we will have sex.
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  4. Post #1844
    Wilford Brimley's Avatar
    August 2011
    1,047 Posts
    The Things Dr. Bright Is Not Allowed To Do At The Foundation page is fucking hilarious.

    Creating a new specimen listing, typing [REDACTED] in Special Containment Procedures, typing [DATA EXPUNGED] in Description and saving it as SCP-███ is not allowed.
    Dr. Bright is not allowed to give Dr. Rights a "novelty lamp" shaped like a marital aid.
    "Accidently" spilling green gelatin on a dead body in front of the 05 was funny exactly once, and the smell coming from 05-2's khakis spoiled the moment.
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  5. Post #1845
    Gold Member
    Pilotguy97's Avatar
    November 2010
    4,425 Posts
    The Things Dr. Bright Is Not Allowed To Do At The Foundation page is fucking hilarious.
    Let's not forget such rules as:

    "Challenge Accepted" is not a valid excuse to breach SCP-909 containment. for anything.
    Dr. Bright is not allowed near any carbonated beverages while in possession of Mentos-branded mints. The last time that happened he somehow managed to cause an earthquake in the east cost of the United States. Dr. Bright is not allowed to claim responsibility for earthquakes and other natural disasters unless he is actually responsible for them.
    or

    Dr. Bright is not allowed to dare new personnel to play 'peek-a-boo' with SCP-173
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  6. Post #1846
    Gold Member
    swampie's Avatar
    July 2008
    5,904 Posts
    How exactly do i go about submitting my written article?
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  7. Post #1847
    Gold Member
    Aperture fan's Avatar
    February 2008
    4,146 Posts
    How exactly do i go about submitting my written article?
    Obviously, what you need to do first is [DATA EXPUNGED]. After that, you [DATA EXPUNGED] followed by [REDACTED]. Lastly, you need to [DATA EXPUNGED]. After you do all that, then, and only then, will your article be published.
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  8. Post #1848
    Gold Member
    Arachnidus's Avatar
    July 2007
    7,544 Posts
    Obviously, what you need to do first is [DATA EXPUNGED]. After that, you [DATA EXPUNGED] followed by [REDACTED]. Lastly, you need to [DATA EXPUNGED]. After you do all that, then, and only then, will your article be published.

    Don't forget the ███ and the disturbing amounts of ████████████.

    Edited:

    also Montauk

    And somebody tell me where this whole Montauk thing came from, I think I know but I'm not sure and it's eating at me slowly.
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  9. Post #1849
    [b]MASSIVE HOMOPHOBE[/b]

    April 2010
    3,562 Posts
    And somebody tell me where this whole Montauk thing came from, I think I know but I'm not sure and it's eating at me slowly.
    What is procedure 110-Montauk? An amateur shadowcast of the Rocky Horror picture Show.

    What, really? Well, no, probably not. But, see, that's the point of expungement and redaction, you can fill in your own answer!
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  10. Post #1850
    ElectricSquid's Avatar
    January 2010
    5,094 Posts
    The closest thing I could think of is the Montauk Monster that washed up on a beach, but I don't know why/how it made the transition from weird flotsam to emergency procedure.
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  11. Post #1851
    Gold Member
    Arachnidus's Avatar
    July 2007
    7,544 Posts
    Yeah, that'd be it. Thanks.
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  12. Post #1852
    "some of those dragon dildo designs are pretty cool"
    EcksDee's Avatar
    February 2007
    8,656 Posts
    For fucks sake I seriously want to know what the montauk procedure is.
    If it's been seriously thought of by the author that is.

    No matter how fucking depraved it is, my interest reaches too far.
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  13. Post #1853
    Gold Member
    Géza!'s Avatar
    January 2008
    5,866 Posts
    Isn't Montauk from the SCP that is a woman rescued from some satanist cult, but unknowingly carries some great danger? Dunno the number.
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  14. Post #1854
    froztshock's Avatar
    August 2009
    2,810 Posts
    Isn't Montauk from the SCP that is a woman rescued from some satanist cult, but unknowingly carries soem great danger? Dunno the number.
    Yes. Basically it's a woman of unknown age (even hinted to be in the single digits, so a girl really) who has been impregnated by some great evil by a satanic sex cult. If she gives birth to this... thing, it's really bad news for the human race as a whole. Montauk-110 is the procedure used to delay the birth indefinitely. It's never explicitly stated what it is, but rest assured they do something absolutely horrifying to her on a regular basis.
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  15. Post #1855
    [b]MASSIVE HOMOPHOBE[/b]

    April 2010
    3,562 Posts
    For fucks sake I seriously want to know what the montauk procedure is.
    If it's been seriously thought of by the author that is.

    No matter how fucking depraved it is, my interest reaches too far.
    Apparently, Montauk is worse than rape.
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  16. Post #1856
    Bombardier.'s Avatar
    August 2009
    1,054 Posts
    Didn't we have this discussion a few pages back? Something something ritualistic satanic abortions and whatnot.
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  17. Post #1857
    Gold Member
    Géza!'s Avatar
    January 2008
    5,866 Posts
    Yes. Basically it's a woman of unknown age (even hinted to be in the single digits, so a girl really) who has been impregnated by some great evil by a satanic sex cult. If she gives birth to this... thing, it's really bad news for the human race as a whole. Montauk-110 is the procedure used to delay the birth indefinitely. It's never explicitly stated what it is, but rest assured they do something absolutely horrifying to her on a regular basis.
    Well, it is done by the worst kind of sex offender D-classes. And being a sociopath is recommended for the science crew overlooking containment.
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  18. Post #1858
    [b]MASSIVE HOMOPHOBE[/b]

    April 2010
    3,562 Posts
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  19. Post #1859
    I bet they stick a chainsaw covered in gasoline and anthrax up her vagina while singing The Brady Bunch theme song
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  20. Post #1860
    Gold Member
    Penultimate's Avatar
    November 2005
    2,349 Posts
    I bet they stick a chainsaw covered in gasoline and anthrax up her vagina while singing The Brady Bunch theme song
    Wow, Peanut. How do you even come up with something like that? It's probably true, though.
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  21. Post #1861
    Wilford Brimley's Avatar
    August 2011
    1,047 Posts
    THEORY TIME

    The thing must be meant to be born when there is a noticeable lack of evil in the surrounding areas, therefore they do something so horrible that it's content to stay there for a while, assured that the world is in complete chaos and there is no need to be born as it can't make anything worse. Would make sense of the fact that they administer amnesiacs after every "session" so as to make it horribly emotionally damaging every time. It's also probably sentient and telepathic; overseers need to be sociopaths so as to see absolutely nothing wrong with what is happening and therefore not be disgusted and show that the world has not gone completely to shit. Also why the guards are given amnesiacs so it doesn't know that everything is a test.

       And then i saw some text at the bottom of the 05 report.

    "Don't believe it when they say they're trying to save her. Why would they bother? They've got exactly what they want exactly where they want it."

    Spoiler alert The Foundation is based on finding demon artifacts and eventually releasing them so as to destroy the world. 
      
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  22. Post #1862
    Appreciates Subtle Titles
    NanoSquid's Avatar
    April 2009
    6,789 Posts
    Why not just kill her
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  23. Post #1863
    elitehakor v2's Avatar
    June 2010
    3,836 Posts
    Why not just kill her
    That would defeat the purpose of the Foundation
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  24. Post #1864
    Appreciates Subtle Titles
    NanoSquid's Avatar
    April 2009
    6,789 Posts
       Spoiler alert The Foundation is based on finding demon artifacts and eventually releasing them so as to destroy the world.   

    Actually, that makes a lot of sense in the context of SCP-001. Scary.
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  25. Post #1865
    Gold Member
    Madman_Andre's Avatar
    November 2007
    7,239 Posts
       Spoiler alert The Foundation is based on finding demon artifacts and eventually releasing them so as to destroy the world.   
    It's like an even more chaotic evil version of NERV from Neon Genesis Evangelion, Jesus Christ I did not think it possible in fiction.
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  26. Post #1866
    froztshock's Avatar
    August 2009
    2,810 Posts
    Why not just kill her
    Because killing her will still trigger whatever event occurs when the fetus is born, so it's really not a good idea.
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  27. Post #1867
    Gold Member
    Aperture fan's Avatar
    February 2008
    4,146 Posts
    Why not just kill her
    Because it triggers a █████████████ event.
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  28. Post #1868
    [b]MASSIVE HOMOPHOBE[/b]

    April 2010
    3,562 Posts
    I had another SCP idea.

    Basically, it's a small tribal village. Foundation agents and researchers in it must be black and wear the traditional clothes of the [REDACTED] tribe. If anyone without the garment, or of any other race enters the camp, the agents on site must kill them (with their bows and spears, of course), if they reach the inner part of the camp, SCP-XXX-2 activates.

    SCP-XXX-2 is a human male, adorned in the tribal chief's outfit. He normally lays, apparently dead, on an altar in the center of the camp. Every month, or if someone not part of the "tribe" enters, he activates, he re-animates, and will produce a ceremonial blade and proceed to kill anyone not part of the "tribe" until the agents stationed at the camp perform a ritual at the altar, including some kind of sacrifice.

    How do you guys like it?
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  29. Post #1869
    Gold Member
    ZenX2's Avatar
    February 2009
    4,914 Posts
    Make them pygmies and you've got a deal.
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  30. Post #1870
    Chernzobog's Avatar
    March 2011
    1,075 Posts
    DAS RACIST
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  31. Post #1871
    [b]MASSIVE HOMOPHOBE[/b]

    April 2010
    3,562 Posts
    Requests not processed by Dr. ██████
    -Leather Jacket (Denied. Subject given Restraint Jacket instead.)
    -Tacos (Denied. Subject given burrito instead.)
    -The best of Led Zeppelin (Denied. Subject given a CD of The Monkees.)
    - '████. It ███████ reeks in here. Open a god ████ window or something' (Denied.)
    - A spot of sun (Denied. Officer ██████ shined a flashlight in his face for 10 minutes.)
    -Baconator from Wendy's (Denied. Subject given a boca burger instead.)
    -Aviator Sunglasses (Denied. Lights turned off in room.)
    -'Pepsi' brand soft drink (Denied. Given can of 'Coca-Cola' instead. After recovering from concussion, Dr. █████ was reassigned to a non-sentient SCP.)

    Gentlemen, seriously. As abrasive and rude as SCP-661 is, he is still a sentient SCP and should be afforded some level of respect. I don't care what he does, events like the above will not be tolerated.
    -Dr. ███████
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  32. Post #1872
    HandyAmMi's Avatar
    April 2009
    155 Posts
    I love the list of SCP-661's requests. It's the reason why that's one of my favorite SCPs.
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  33. Post #1873
    MendozaMan's Avatar
    April 2007
    4,791 Posts
    Ha, so he requests mundane things an ordinary human would and a doctor fucks with him all the time, ending in the final straw as the coca-cola incident, and he wacked his head in with the bottle and ended up with a concussion. Brilliant.

    Odd because that SCP is just a simple human with almost no deviations.
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  34. Post #1874
    Gold Member
    Penultimate's Avatar
    November 2005
    2,349 Posts
    I kind of feel bad for SCP-682. Also, I wonder if anyone's tried to run Doom on SCP-079.
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  35. Post #1875
    Wilford Brimley's Avatar
    August 2011
    1,047 Posts
    Try running it on http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-713 instead.

    "After D-1015 started the first level, 15 [DATA EXPUNGED] spawning rapidly out of suddenly-appearing red portals [REDACTED] began throwing fireballs at supervising personell, followed by [DATA EXPUNGED]


    [DATA EXPUNGED]

    Dr. ██████: Anyone found trying to run video games on SCP-713 is going to be terminated. I don't need to wake up to a rollercoaster coming through my window.

    [Addendum] Doctor Bright is no longer allowed within 10 feet of SCP-173 due to numerous counts of visiting meatspin.com and causing a memetic effect so widespread that Site-19 had to be locked down.
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  36. Post #1876
    sonny99's Avatar
    February 2011
    277 Posts
    I live right by a Montauk Drive
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  37. Post #1877
    I live right by a Montauk Drive
    I live near Montauk Highway bitch

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  38. Post #1878
    sonny99's Avatar
    February 2011
    277 Posts
    I live near Montauk Highway bitch

    I live by Montauk drive AND Highway
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  39. Post #1879
    Gold Member
    [Seed Eater]'s Avatar
    July 2011
    5,568 Posts
    So y'know how I skinned the Weeping Angels mod for Minecraft into 173.

    Well, I recently found some weird mountains I named The Mountains of Madness that seem to house quite a number of 173s. I'd only seen a 173 once before finding the mountains, but since setting up my outpost I've seen close to 15. And let me tell you, more than once I've been exploring a cave in a mountain and turn around to see a 173 RIGHT FUCKING THERE.

    Here's when I first saw a group at the mountains.


    (And once, I was on top of one of the mountains, and there was a 173 on the ground below me and quite a distance away, and I moved over a couple blocks to get a better look, but one block obscured my view of it for just an instant, like less than a second, but the fucker disappeared. Like just walking past the block and not having eye contact with it for an instant and it moved. Always watching my back around these parts.)
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  40. Post #1880
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