[Confession]

silentjubjub posted:

♪ I know who you areeeeee ♪

No really, I do and I can send your main a PM to prove it.

Please do. Also tell me how you found out (not teach me, I'd like to remain anonymous because I do have friends from school that use Facepunch)

[silentjubjub]

Sent.

And please go post in that thread.

[Milp]

OogalaBoogal posted:

My friend got drunk one night and passed out, so i teabagged his nose.

Teabagged his nose?

So you put your balls in his nostrils?

What?

[Flyingman356]

Milp posted:

Teabagged his nose?

So you put your balls in his nostrils?

What?

Really small balls I guess

[Mort and Charon]

Stop trying to be clever dickheads and leave him to seek his help in peace. If he wants some sort of anonymity from his alt over this, don't be idiots trying to find his alt, help him out here.

[OogalaBoogal]

Don't try to find people who post confessionals. Its a anonymous confessional, and they want it to stay that way. Don't be mean.

[Septimas]

I miss the confessionals that were interesting, most of them now are

"durp durp daddy dont love me no more, girlfriend dump me i hate life im psycho / depressed gonna cut dick open and beat off with blood as lube"

[Yahnich]

Septimas posted:

I miss the confessionals that were interesting, most of them now are

"durp durp daddy dont love me no more, girlfriend dump me i hate life im psycho / depressed gonna cut dick open and beat off with blood as lube"

i also have a feeling a lot of them are fake

[Confession]

Yahnich posted:

i also have a feeling a lot of them are fake

Of course they are. People just want to make other people laugh. I think only the really crazy ones are fake though.

[OogalaBoogal]

I used to have one of those Daisy BB rifles that the more you pump it, The more power it had. One day, I was out shooting it and i saw a few ducks and i did the first thing that came to mind (i shot and killed on(Yes, it is possible to kill something with one of those if you pump it enough.)) I lied to my parents and said it "Got in the way." That was just the major thing though. Here some other things i also want to confess about:

- I'm Bisexual (I told my parents, and they don't believe me)

- I have no friends (I used to, but all their parents HATE me)

- I Had to go to Sacred Heart's Psychiatric Ward due to depression and hostility

- I've Attempted suicide 6 times

- I'm hated in my hometown
* Because of this, I've been exiled to wear a mask whenever i go out

This actually felt pretty good, writing this out.

Alcohol is trying to fuck me in the ass.

I've had a girlfriend of sorts for the past year and a-little-more-than-half or so. We've never talked about making it official or referred to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend, so I'm still not sure where we stand officially. I actually prefer it that way, as I prefer to fly solo most of the time. Luckily she's independent herself, so we're not a typical "gotta be around each other 24/7" couple.

Whenever we have sex, I use a condom. Common sense. However, it appears that alcohol makes my penis incredibly slippery or some shit because condoms absolutely refuse to stay on whenever I have drunken sex with this girl. To make things worse, you typically lose some feeling down there once you reach a certain point of inebriation so I don't even notice is half the time.

Last night was the second time we had drunken sex. I busted my nut, then realized the condom wasn't on when I got up to flush it down the toilet. Did it fall off when I pulled out? Was it off the whole time? Fuuuuuuck. Looks like I'm going to be shitting bricks for a while until she has her period. I think that's due pretty soon, so hopefully it won't be that long of w ait.

Also, I've been posting and shit with alts and get nothing but winners and agrees every time, despite not changing my ideologies at all. Dumb faggots on facepunch were disagreeing with me just because of who I was, haha. Stay classy, gayboys.

Hey Facepunch, how are all of you this fine morning/afternoon/evening/night? You good? That's awesome! You not so great? Well, I've heard that every day...

Probably not the kind of confession you all are used to, or really wanted, but I just wanted to say that sometimes I hate being the nice guy.

Sure, you get the thanks, and friends, and you make people's lives better (most of the time) but then you're always known as the nice guy, and never relationship material. Doesn't that suck?

Basically, I love helping people, but hate those people for being idiots...

...this confession makes no sense when I read it back to myself. Oh well.

Nice guys win in the end, trust me, no matter what MavrickIB said.

I have a bestiality fetish. I'm not really ashamed of it since I know I didn't really choose to bee this way, but I'm still not tellig anyone on facepunch. The only person I've told is laurencedgreat via PM.
Specifically, I like dogs and horses the most. Have you ever seen a horses dick before?
It's fucking awesome.

Nope, I haven't.

[Wilford Brimley]

Because of this, I've been exiled to wear a mask whenever i go out

Become a luchador and wrestle everyone in town.

[Quark:]

Basically, I love helping people, but hate those people for being idiots...

...this confession makes no sense when I read it back to myself. Oh well.

I kind of know how you feel. I love helping people fix stuff, but it drives me absolutely nuts when people come to me with dumb stuff to fix - "FIX MY RIPPED SOCK" or "FIX MY BROKEN WINDOW" are my all time favorite ones to laugh at though.

[Yahnich]

OogalaBoogal posted:

Nice guys win in the end, trust me, no matter what MavrickIB said.

There is seriously something people need to get straight. You CAN be a nice guy and be dating material. Usually the 'nice' guys are spineless cowards that ask girls out way too late and kiss the floor she walks on.

This is why chicks seem to always date 'jerks'. Sure, sometimes they're pompous assholes, but usually it's just because they know what they want and they went for it.

[Ogris]

Yahnich posted:

There is seriously something people need to get straight. You CAN be a nice guy and be dating material. Usually the 'nice' guys are spineless cowards that ask girls out way too late and kiss the floor she walks on.

This is why chicks seem to always date 'jerks'. Sure, sometimes they're pompous assholes, but usually it's just because they know what they want and they went for it.

Actually girls that have half a brain tell those guys to fuck off in about a second but heyo. Common sense is a rarity these days.(For either sex)

[Arcana]

Don't flush condoms down toilets, it's horrible for the water system. My brother does water engineering stuff (I don't remember what exactly it is, but he did stuff with water treatment etc.)

[Djentleman]

Alcohol is trying to fuck me in the ass.

I've had a girlfriend of sorts for the past year and a-little-more-than-half or so. We've never talked about making it official or referred to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend, so I'm still not sure where we stand officially. I actually prefer it that way, as I prefer to fly solo most of the time. Luckily she's independent herself, so we're not a typical "gotta be around each other 24/7" couple.

Whenever we have sex, I use a condom. Common sense. However, it appears that alcohol makes my penis incredibly slippery or some shit because condoms absolutely refuse to stay on whenever I have drunken sex with this girl. To make things worse, you typically lose some feeling down there once you reach a certain point of inebriation so I don't even notice is half the time.

Last night was the second time we had drunken sex. I busted my nut, then realized the condom wasn't on when I got up to flush it down the toilet. Did it fall off when I pulled out? Was it off the whole time? Fuuuuuuck. Looks like I'm going to be shitting bricks for a while until she has her period. I think that's due pretty soon, so hopefully it won't be that long of w ait.

Also, I've been posting and shit with alts and get nothing but winners and agrees every time, despite not changing my ideologies at all. Dumb faggots on facepunch were disagreeing with me just because of who I was, haha. Stay classy, gayboys.

Sup maverick.
Really, dude, really? If this is Maverick, you posted earlier in the thread under an alt calling someone a dumbass for getting a chick pregnant at a pool.

I kind of miss you/Maverick. He/You was/were alpha as fuck and actually gave good advice.

[Alien_23]

Well, time to play the waiting game for our next dose of confessions.

[Mort and Charon]

That's definitely Mav, he mentioned his not official, independent girlfriend quite a lot.

[OogalaBoogal]

Djentleman posted:

Sup maverick.
Really, dude, really? If this is Maverick, you posted earlier in the thread under an alt calling someone a dumbass for getting a chick pregnant at a pool.

I kind of miss you/Maverick. He/You was/were alpha as fuck and actually gave good advice.

I miss the guy too. His most famous advice "Just ask the girl out" goes down in history as the best.

[Canuhearmenow]

Alcohol is trying to fuck me in the ass.

I've had a girlfriend of sorts for the past year and a-little-more-than-half or so. We've never talked about making it official or referred to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend, so I'm still not sure where we stand officially. I actually prefer it that way, as I prefer to fly solo most of the time. Luckily she's independent herself, so we're not a typical "gotta be around each other 24/7" couple.

Whenever we have sex, I use a condom. Common sense. However, it appears that alcohol makes my penis incredibly slippery or some shit because condoms absolutely refuse to stay on whenever I have drunken sex with this girl. To make things worse, you typically lose some feeling down there once you reach a certain point of inebriation so I don't even notice is half the time.

Last night was the second time we had drunken sex. I busted my nut, then realized the condom wasn't on when I got up to flush it down the toilet. Did it fall off when I pulled out? Was it off the whole time? Fuuuuuuck. Looks like I'm going to be shitting bricks for a while until she has her period. I think that's due pretty soon, so hopefully it won't be that long of w ait.

Also, I've been posting and shit with alts and get nothing but winners and agrees every time, despite not changing my ideologies at all. Dumb faggots on facepunch were disagreeing with me just because of who I was, haha. Stay classy, gayboys.

If my understanding of menstruation is correct, the days (up to a week I think) before a woman starts her period is when she's most fertile. I think you know what that means.

[phatweasul]

I love this thread and the idea of it. I mean, who doesn't love the idea of telling your darkest secrets to the internet without risking your identity?

[DiscoInferno]

silentjubjub posted:

Sent.

And please go post in that thread.

I have a small confession, up until you posted a piece of Skyrim music on Youtube, I thought your name was saintjubjub.

[barttool]

DiscoInferno posted:

I have a small confession, up until you posted a piece of Skyrim music on Youtube, I thought your name was saintjubjub.

Lol why are you posting from a Wii?

[imasillypiggy]

barttool posted:

Lol why are you posting from a Wii?

I didn't even know that was possible. Thats pretty cool. Must have taken disco 5 minutes to make that post.

[Zakkin]

imasillypiggy posted:

I didn't even know that was possible. Thats pretty cool. Must have taken disco 5 minutes to make that post.

Not really. Wii has a free little internet channel, it has a neat little zoom-feature and is surprisingly good for browsing/posting- hell, you can even play youtube videos on it.

[phatweasul]

Zakkin posted:

Not really. Wii has a free little internet channel, it has a neat little zoom-feature and is surprisingly good for browsing/posting- hell, you can even play youtube videos on it.

I think he meant the typing of the post would take 5 minutes

[Ogris]

OogalaBoogal posted:

I miss the guy too. His most famous advice "Just ask the girl out" goes down in history as the best.

He knew that bullshitting around isn't the way to get things done, that's for sure.

His ego got the best of him though, not that it was unexpected.

[Raijin]

Wii has USB keyboard support.

[Zakkin]

So, any new confessions lately? Gettin' bored with all this derail.

[Alien_23]

Oogalala, has any confessions been sent recently? Everyone here is getting impatient.

[Terminutter]

On the last page, but for this confession:

Another problem is that I'm extremely insecure. I have acne all over my face and no matter what I do it doesn't go away. I did the towel trick, benzoyl peroxide, proactiv, everything. And I'm afraid of scars the most. The fucking imagination of scars all over my face because I couldn't help but rubbing the pimple until it fell off.

If it's that bad, go to your GP, who will have likely prescribed antibiotics and then a stronger than OTC benzoyl peroxide. If that's not worked, they'll often book a dermatologist's appointment, and the dermatologist will see if it's really severe. If it is severe and persistant, you'll be asked to have a blood test to check your bodies functions, and if your body is up to it, they'll prescribe Isotretinoin, also known as accutane. This is a really strong drug that's similar to controlled vitamin A poisoning. It should beat back nearly all acne after a few months.

I had severe acne, and it was ruining my self-confidence, and I went through towels, over the counter creams, GP's antibiotics, benzoyl peroxide and all that they did was hold it back. Accutane worked a charm. Sure I've got some scarring, but I have quite literally no spots now, compared to hundreds before.

It's not something to be taken lightly, though, it has very severe side effects, though that's up to the dermatologist to determine.

[GoDong-DK]

He's gonna post them when he has got them. Just stop asking already.

[Raijin]

Facepunch Anonymous Confessional v7: "POST MORE GODDAMNIT"

[DiscoInferno]

barttool posted:

Lol why are you posting from a Wii?

My computer is broken, I'm broke, and I'm too paranoid to use my parents.

[matrix_1995]

So this one time a friend of mine bought me a leather suit and handcuffs bu- Oh hey, one of my IRL friends browses this thread too

Sorry for off-topic post.

Edited:

Get off Facepunch and read your Danish homework - You know who you are!

[barttool]

DiscoInferno posted:

My computer is broken, I'm broke, and I'm too paranoid to use my parents.

What I find funny is that Flagdog actually has a Wii icon and recognizes you're posting from a Wii.

[Raijin]

Flagdog only does the flags. The browser and OS icons are done through FP.

2: Electric Boogaloo

[Scarbo]

I know this isn't anonymous but I have to get it off my chest, so sorry...

I was at a cosplay thing a while back, and I saw a fat girl in a zombie outfit, and shouted "Hey look, a boomer!"

The girl gave me the dirtiest look and ran away. My friend tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, "She was dressed as a hunter, dude..."

[imasillypiggy]

Scarbo posted:

I know this isn't anonymous but I have to get it off my chest, so sorry...

I was at a cosplay thing a while back, and I saw a fat girl in a zombie outfit, and shouted "Hey look, a boomer!"

The girl gave me the dirtiest look and ran away. My friend tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, "She was dressed as a hunter, dude..."

Trying to imagine a 200 pound girl jump 25 feet in the air. She would be over powered because as soon as she landed on you you would die.

[seano12]

Scarbo posted:

I know this isn't anonymous but I have to get it off my chest, so sorry...

I was at a cosplay thing a while back, and I saw a fat girl in a zombie outfit, and shouted "Hey look, a boomer!"

The girl gave me the dirtiest look and ran away. My friend tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, "She was dressed as a hunter, dude..."

HAHA