1. Post #721
    Mort and Charon's Avatar
    April 2009
    1,821 Posts
    Stop trying to be clever dickheads and leave him to seek his help in peace. If he wants some sort of anonymity from his alt over this, don't be idiots trying to find his alt, help him out here.
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  2. Post #722
    Gold Member
    OogalaBoogal's Avatar
    November 2008
    4,432 Posts
    Don't try to find people who post confessionals. Its a anonymous confessional, and they want it to stay that way. Don't be mean.
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  3. Post #723
    Septimas's Avatar
    July 2007
    1,835 Posts
    I miss the confessionals that were interesting, most of them now are

    "durp durp daddy dont love me no more, girlfriend dump me i hate life im psycho / depressed gonna cut dick open and beat off with blood as lube"
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  4. Post #724
    LOO POO'S BIG FAN !!!!!!!! LOVES SHITPOSTING ALMOST AS MUCH!!!!
    Yahnich's Avatar
    October 2009
    11,873 Posts
    I miss the confessionals that were interesting, most of them now are

    "durp durp daddy dont love me no more, girlfriend dump me i hate life im psycho / depressed gonna cut dick open and beat off with blood as lube"
    i also have a feeling a lot of them are fake
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  5. Post #725

    November 2011
    15 Posts
    i also have a feeling a lot of them are fake
    Of course they are. People just want to make other people laugh. I think only the really crazy ones are fake though.

  6. Post #726
    Gold Member
    OogalaBoogal's Avatar
    November 2008
    4,432 Posts
    I used to have one of those Daisy BB rifles that the more you pump it, The more power it had. One day, I was out shooting it and i saw a few ducks and i did the first thing that came to mind (i shot and killed on(Yes, it is possible to kill something with one of those if you pump it enough.)) I lied to my parents and said it "Got in the way." That was just the major thing though. Here some other things i also want to confess about:

    - I'm Bisexual (I told my parents, and they don't believe me)

    - I have no friends (I used to, but all their parents HATE me)

    - I Had to go to Sacred Heart's Psychiatric Ward due to depression and hostility

    - I've Attempted suicide 6 times

    - I'm hated in my hometown
    * Because of this, I've been exiled to wear a mask whenever i go out

    This actually felt pretty good, writing this out.
    Alcohol is trying to fuck me in the ass.

    I've had a girlfriend of sorts for the past year and a-little-more-than-half or so. We've never talked about making it official or referred to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend, so I'm still not sure where we stand officially. I actually prefer it that way, as I prefer to fly solo most of the time. Luckily she's independent herself, so we're not a typical "gotta be around each other 24/7" couple.

    Whenever we have sex, I use a condom. Common sense. However, it appears that alcohol makes my penis incredibly slippery or some shit because condoms absolutely refuse to stay on whenever I have drunken sex with this girl. To make things worse, you typically lose some feeling down there once you reach a certain point of inebriation so I don't even notice is half the time.

    Last night was the second time we had drunken sex. I busted my nut, then realized the condom wasn't on when I got up to flush it down the toilet. Did it fall off when I pulled out? Was it off the whole time? Fuuuuuuck. Looks like I'm going to be shitting bricks for a while until she has her period. I think that's due pretty soon, so hopefully it won't be that long of w ait.

    Also, I've been posting and shit with alts and get nothing but winners and agrees every time, despite not changing my ideologies at all. Dumb faggots on facepunch were disagreeing with me just because of who I was, haha. Stay classy, gayboys.
    Hey Facepunch, how are all of you this fine morning/afternoon/evening/night? You good? That's awesome! You not so great? Well, I've heard that every day...

    Probably not the kind of confession you all are used to, or really wanted, but I just wanted to say that sometimes I hate being the nice guy.

    Sure, you get the thanks, and friends, and you make people's lives better (most of the time) but then you're always known as the nice guy, and never relationship material. Doesn't that suck?

    Basically, I love helping people, but hate those people for being idiots...

    ...this confession makes no sense when I read it back to myself. Oh well.
    Nice guys win in the end, trust me, no matter what MavrickIB said.

    I have a bestiality fetish. I'm not really ashamed of it since I know I didn't really choose to bee this way, but I'm still not tellig anyone on facepunch. The only person I've told is laurencedgreat via PM.
    Specifically, I like dogs and horses the most. Have you ever seen a horses dick before?
    It's fucking awesome.
    Nope, I haven't.
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  7. Post #727
    Wilford Brimley's Avatar
    August 2011
    983 Posts
    Because of this, I've been exiled to wear a mask whenever i go out
    Become a luchador and wrestle everyone in town.
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  8. Post #728
    Gold Member
    Quark:'s Avatar
    January 2011
    5,601 Posts
    Basically, I love helping people, but hate those people for being idiots...

    ...this confession makes no sense when I read it back to myself. Oh well.
    I kind of know how you feel. I love helping people fix stuff, but it drives me absolutely nuts when people come to me with dumb stuff to fix - "FIX MY RIPPED SOCK" or "FIX MY BROKEN WINDOW" are my all time favorite ones to laugh at though.
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  9. Post #729
    LOO POO'S BIG FAN !!!!!!!! LOVES SHITPOSTING ALMOST AS MUCH!!!!
    Yahnich's Avatar
    October 2009
    11,873 Posts
    Nice guys win in the end, trust me, no matter what MavrickIB said.
    There is seriously something people need to get straight. You CAN be a nice guy and be dating material. Usually the 'nice' guys are spineless cowards that ask girls out way too late and kiss the floor she walks on.

    This is why chicks seem to always date 'jerks'. Sure, sometimes they're pompous assholes, but usually it's just because they know what they want and they went for it.
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  10. Post #730
    Gold Member

    July 2005
    3,634 Posts
    There is seriously something people need to get straight. You CAN be a nice guy and be dating material. Usually the 'nice' guys are spineless cowards that ask girls out way too late and kiss the floor she walks on.

    This is why chicks seem to always date 'jerks'. Sure, sometimes they're pompous assholes, but usually it's just because they know what they want and they went for it.
    Actually girls that have half a brain tell those guys to fuck off in about a second but heyo. Common sense is a rarity these days.(For either sex)
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  11. Post #731
    Arcana's Avatar
    October 2011
    784 Posts
    Don't flush condoms down toilets, it's horrible for the water system. My brother does water engineering stuff (I don't remember what exactly it is, but he did stuff with water treatment etc.)
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  12. Post #732
    Djentleman's Avatar
    October 2011
    291 Posts
    Alcohol is trying to fuck me in the ass.

    I've had a girlfriend of sorts for the past year and a-little-more-than-half or so. We've never talked about making it official or referred to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend, so I'm still not sure where we stand officially. I actually prefer it that way, as I prefer to fly solo most of the time. Luckily she's independent herself, so we're not a typical "gotta be around each other 24/7" couple.

    Whenever we have sex, I use a condom. Common sense. However, it appears that alcohol makes my penis incredibly slippery or some shit because condoms absolutely refuse to stay on whenever I have drunken sex with this girl. To make things worse, you typically lose some feeling down there once you reach a certain point of inebriation so I don't even notice is half the time.

    Last night was the second time we had drunken sex. I busted my nut, then realized the condom wasn't on when I got up to flush it down the toilet. Did it fall off when I pulled out? Was it off the whole time? Fuuuuuuck. Looks like I'm going to be shitting bricks for a while until she has her period. I think that's due pretty soon, so hopefully it won't be that long of w ait.

    Also, I've been posting and shit with alts and get nothing but winners and agrees every time, despite not changing my ideologies at all. Dumb faggots on facepunch were disagreeing with me just because of who I was, haha. Stay classy, gayboys.
    Sup maverick.
    Really, dude, really? If this is Maverick, you posted earlier in the thread under an alt calling someone a dumbass for getting a chick pregnant at a pool.

    I kind of miss you/Maverick. He/You was/were alpha as fuck and actually gave good advice.
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  13. Post #733
    Alien_23's Avatar
    December 2009
    308 Posts
    Well, time to play the waiting game for our next dose of confessions.

  14. Post #734
    Mort and Charon's Avatar
    April 2009
    1,821 Posts
    That's definitely Mav, he mentioned his not official, independent girlfriend quite a lot.

  15. Post #735
    Gold Member
    OogalaBoogal's Avatar
    November 2008
    4,432 Posts
    Sup maverick.
    Really, dude, really? If this is Maverick, you posted earlier in the thread under an alt calling someone a dumbass for getting a chick pregnant at a pool.

    I kind of miss you/Maverick. He/You was/were alpha as fuck and actually gave good advice.
    I miss the guy too. His most famous advice "Just ask the girl out" goes down in history as the best.
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  16. Post #736
    Canuhearmenow's Avatar
    June 2011
    1,431 Posts
    Alcohol is trying to fuck me in the ass.

    I've had a girlfriend of sorts for the past year and a-little-more-than-half or so. We've never talked about making it official or referred to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend, so I'm still not sure where we stand officially. I actually prefer it that way, as I prefer to fly solo most of the time. Luckily she's independent herself, so we're not a typical "gotta be around each other 24/7" couple.

    Whenever we have sex, I use a condom. Common sense. However, it appears that alcohol makes my penis incredibly slippery or some shit because condoms absolutely refuse to stay on whenever I have drunken sex with this girl. To make things worse, you typically lose some feeling down there once you reach a certain point of inebriation so I don't even notice is half the time.

    Last night was the second time we had drunken sex. I busted my nut, then realized the condom wasn't on when I got up to flush it down the toilet. Did it fall off when I pulled out? Was it off the whole time? Fuuuuuuck. Looks like I'm going to be shitting bricks for a while until she has her period. I think that's due pretty soon, so hopefully it won't be that long of w ait.

    Also, I've been posting and shit with alts and get nothing but winners and agrees every time, despite not changing my ideologies at all. Dumb faggots on facepunch were disagreeing with me just because of who I was, haha. Stay classy, gayboys.
    If my understanding of menstruation is correct, the days (up to a week I think) before a woman starts her period is when she's most fertile. I think you know what that means.
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  17. Post #737
    phatweasul's Avatar
    February 2009
    569 Posts
    I love this thread and the idea of it. I mean, who doesn't love the idea of telling your darkest secrets to the internet without risking your identity?
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  18. Post #738
    Gold Member
    DiscoInferno's Avatar
    November 2008
    13,902 Posts
    Sent.

    And please go post in that thread.
    I have a small confession, up until you posted a piece of Skyrim music on Youtube, I thought your name was saintjubjub.
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  19. Post #739
    HAND.CAT
    barttool's Avatar
    July 2010
    4,504 Posts
    I have a small confession, up until you posted a piece of Skyrim music on Youtube, I thought your name was saintjubjub.
    Lol why are you posting from a Wii?
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  20. Post #740
    Gold Member
    imasillypiggy's Avatar
    December 2009
    8,064 Posts
    Lol why are you posting from a Wii?
    I didn't even know that was possible. Thats pretty cool. Must have taken disco 5 minutes to make that post.
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  21. Post #741
    Gold Member
    Zakkin's Avatar
    August 2009
    4,853 Posts
    I didn't even know that was possible. Thats pretty cool. Must have taken disco 5 minutes to make that post.
    Not really. Wii has a free little internet channel, it has a neat little zoom-feature and is surprisingly good for browsing/posting- hell, you can even play youtube videos on it.
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  22. Post #742
    phatweasul's Avatar
    February 2009
    569 Posts
    Not really. Wii has a free little internet channel, it has a neat little zoom-feature and is surprisingly good for browsing/posting- hell, you can even play youtube videos on it.
    I think he meant the typing of the post would take 5 minutes
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  23. Post #743
    Gold Member

    July 2005
    3,634 Posts
    I miss the guy too. His most famous advice "Just ask the girl out" goes down in history as the best.
    He knew that bullshitting around isn't the way to get things done, that's for sure.

    His ego got the best of him though, not that it was unexpected.

  24. Post #744
    Gold Member
    Qaus's Avatar
    September 2010
    11,229 Posts
    Wii has USB keyboard support.

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  25. Post #745
    Gold Member
    Zakkin's Avatar
    August 2009
    4,853 Posts
    So, any new confessions lately? Gettin' bored with all this derail.
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  26. Post #746
    Alien_23's Avatar
    December 2009
    308 Posts
    Oogalala, has any confessions been sent recently? Everyone here is getting impatient.

  27. Post #747
    Gold Member
    Terminutter's Avatar
    June 2010
    6,455 Posts
    On the last page, but for this confession:
    Another problem is that I'm extremely insecure. I have acne all over my face and no matter what I do it doesn't go away. I did the towel trick, benzoyl peroxide, proactiv, everything. And I'm afraid of scars the most. The fucking imagination of scars all over my face because I couldn't help but rubbing the pimple until it fell off.
    If it's that bad, go to your GP, who will have likely prescribed antibiotics and then a stronger than OTC benzoyl peroxide. If that's not worked, they'll often book a dermatologist's appointment, and the dermatologist will see if it's really severe. If it is severe and persistant, you'll be asked to have a blood test to check your bodies functions, and if your body is up to it, they'll prescribe Isotretinoin, also known as accutane. This is a really strong drug that's similar to controlled vitamin A poisoning. It should beat back nearly all acne after a few months.

    I had severe acne, and it was ruining my self-confidence, and I went through towels, over the counter creams, GP's antibiotics, benzoyl peroxide and all that they did was hold it back. Accutane worked a charm. Sure I've got some scarring, but I have quite literally no spots now, compared to hundreds before.

    It's not something to be taken lightly, though, it has very severe side effects, though that's up to the dermatologist to determine.
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  28. Post #748
    Gold Member
    GoDong-DK's Avatar
    November 2009
    17,947 Posts
    He's gonna post them when he has got them. Just stop asking already.
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  29. Post #749
    Gold Member
    Qaus's Avatar
    September 2010
    11,229 Posts
    Facepunch Anonymous Confessional v7: "POST MORE GODDAMNIT"
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  30. Post #750
    Gold Member
    DiscoInferno's Avatar
    November 2008
    13,902 Posts
    Lol why are you posting from a Wii?
    My computer is broken, I'm broke, and I'm too paranoid to use my parents.
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  31. Post #751
    Gold Member
    matrix_1995's Avatar
    May 2008
    2,105 Posts
    So this one time a friend of mine bought me a leather suit and handcuffs bu- Oh hey, one of my IRL friends browses this thread too

    Sorry for off-topic post.

    Edited:

    Get off Facepunch and read your Danish homework - You know who you are!
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  32. Post #752
    HAND.CAT
    barttool's Avatar
    July 2010
    4,504 Posts
    My computer is broken, I'm broke, and I'm too paranoid to use my parents.
    What I find funny is that Flagdog actually has a Wii icon and recognizes you're posting from a Wii.
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  33. Post #753
    Gold Member
    Qaus's Avatar
    September 2010
    11,229 Posts
    Flagdog only does the flags. The browser and OS icons are done through FP.

    2: Electric Boogaloo
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  34. Post #754
    Scarbo's Avatar
    January 2010
    367 Posts
    I know this isn't anonymous but I have to get it off my chest, so sorry...

    I was at a cosplay thing a while back, and I saw a fat girl in a zombie outfit, and shouted "Hey look, a boomer!"

    The girl gave me the dirtiest look and ran away. My friend tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, "She was dressed as a hunter, dude..."
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  35. Post #755
    Gold Member
    imasillypiggy's Avatar
    December 2009
    8,064 Posts
    I know this isn't anonymous but I have to get it off my chest, so sorry...

    I was at a cosplay thing a while back, and I saw a fat girl in a zombie outfit, and shouted "Hey look, a boomer!"

    The girl gave me the dirtiest look and ran away. My friend tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, "She was dressed as a hunter, dude..."
    Trying to imagine a 200 pound girl jump 25 feet in the air. She would be over powered because as soon as she landed on you you would die.
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  36. Post #756
    Creep
    Dennab
    July 2006
    8,915 Posts
    I know this isn't anonymous but I have to get it off my chest, so sorry...

    I was at a cosplay thing a while back, and I saw a fat girl in a zombie outfit, and shouted "Hey look, a boomer!"

    The girl gave me the dirtiest look and ran away. My friend tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, "She was dressed as a hunter, dude..."
    HAHA
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  37. Post #757
    Gold Member
    OogalaBoogal's Avatar
    November 2008
    4,432 Posts
    Massive load of Confessions for you!
    Almost three years ago I had a World of Warcraft girlfriend. She was niceeeee, she was from Oklahoma and I'm from California. We used to have a lot of fun playing the game ( When it was actually enjoyable, not it's a piece of shit ), talking, dreaming about a future with one another where I would move to OK, and how that summer she would come out to where I live and we'd have sex and just enjoy being with each other. This was my first relationship thingy, so there was a lot of feeling towards it. The months went by... and we exchanged pictures ( I never got a nude picture of her, but I sent her a picture of my pee pee ), I would masturbate on ventrilo since she enjoyed hearing me moan. We did talk to each other over the phone a few times ( one time I charged a 300 dollar phone bill... ouch... sorry mom I'll pay you back someday I swear ) so I knew she was a girl. Then here comes summer, she tells me she can't come and I was sad... couple months later we broke up, I wouldn't actually chat with her again until exactly 2 years after we got together.

    So the following month I told my friend about it and he sort of got me hooked up with this girl he once knew... she was a year older than me and we would talk on that stupid thing you call AIM. I was about to be in year 11 of high school and she in year 12, she lived a few towns over but not that far really. We would talk on aim and she would always talk about how she broke up with her boyfriend, and how she wanted me to fuck her and finger her. Being young and horny, I wanted to fuck her too. She wasn't bad looking, according to her facebook pictures. She was a blonde, and she was pretty damn hot. Finally we get to meet up, she told me she wanted to hang out one day before we actually fucked. So we hung out, walked around her neighborhood talking. We met up with her high school friends and boy was that awkward, they were all talking about inside stuff I couldn't relate to so most of the time I was silent. After the long awkward day her friend drove us back home, and me to the subway. She was in the backseat and I was in the front ( I'm not very smooth ), she grabbed my hand and we held hands for awhile before I got out of the car.

    After that she said we could meet up as " friends ", I was pretty upset because this was my first physical encounter with a female and I blew it... I was in her house at some point and I could have made a move but I was too shy. Anyway I would end up having a girlfriend that same year and it sucked, she was kind of a slut ( she told me stories about how she was drunk at a party and she was playing with a girl in a hottub, and how she jerked these random guys off ) so I left her, annnndddd now I'm with a girl I met in year 12 that I want to stay with for the rest of my life. I'm in college now and I've been on facepunch since I was 12 or 11. Some other things...

    - When I was 11 and discovering masturbation, I used to make holes in stuffed animals and spit in them and stick my penis inside. Poor scooby doo, goofy, and Pink dragon girl from Dragon Tales.
    - When I was 10, I would get up before my mom woke up and after my dad left for work and typed in 'big boobs' on yahoo and look at a few websites. Holy shit I saw some huge fucking tits and I never searched for big boobs again.
    - When I'm horny, I feel like I would like to try sucking a man's dick ( After seeing TONS of blowjob porn since I was 12 and 13, it looks like it might be fun ). I am not attracted to actual men, just penises sometimes.
    - Sometimes I masturbate to gay porn... always twinks since they look the most feminine.
    - One time when I was 12, 13 , or 14, I had this really crusty dead skin coming off all the time in that area between my balls and asshole ( I think it's called a taint? Idk what it is )
    - One time I almost strangled our beloved chihuahua when I was 12 or 13.. that was a really bad time for me because my father died before I turned 13. I feel like I was temporarily insane after his death.
    - When I was target shooting one time at a gun range, there was a helicopter flying by one time and I quickly tried to shoot at it when no one was looking.
    - Sometimes I end up getting a feeling of hopelessness and meaninglessness, and then I feel like committing suicide. I get this randomly time to time, once every two years now. It can last a week or a month, depending on if I can spill my feelings.
    - Sometimes I feel like posting THAT CAT on the lmao pics thread
    - I'm afraid that I would cheat on my girlfriend if I had the opportunity, I have yet to be put in such a situation.
    - Sometimes I just don't do my homework and play battlefield 3 all day until I pass out
    - If I was rich I would acquire facepunch studious and permaban everyone for my personal enjoyment.
    - I was killed a lizard in my backyard in cold blood, I still feel bad for him.
    - I wished for my father to die because he grounded me, then he got sick and actually died. I never meant it... I was just angry. I feel like shit til this day because of that.
    FP Needs content, so here.

    I use my childhood beanbag babies as fleshlights. I cut holes in them and fuck them 'till they're sopping.
    Good day, Facepunch.

    My confessional is a little different. It's not rage-tastic, or depressing. Honestly, I feel that it's kind of "meh" in terms of mood.

    Anyway, to the point: I'm single. I've always been single. I've never been on a real date, and I've never seen anything but rejection. But it's not that I'm a failure of a person that no one wants to be around or with, it's that I have shitty timing when it comes to asking someone out. I'm always told by my female friends that they can't understand how I'm single or how I've never been with someone.

    I'm a nice guy, and I like being a nice guy. People love me, I don't know of anyone that hates me; and while there is occasionally conflict with friends, who doesn't hit rough spots? I love my life. I have no regrets, no real vices. And though I don't mind being single, I also hate saying that I have no one special. I don't care about the sex. I just feel lonely at times. I mean yeah, I'm surrounded by friends, me and my roommates get along great and I wouldn't give them up for the world, but there's just times I need someone I can talk to about anything. Someone I can say "I love you" to, and mean it, and also tell my 'darkest' secrets, or talk to when the shit hits the fan.

    For instance, a few months ago one of my best friends in the world, who I'm practically gay with, told me he had a staring contest with a loaded gun not long before we had that conversation (we had a heart-to-heart, I told you, we're total faggots with each other). I literally busted down crying and hugged him, telling him I didn't know what I would do if something happened to him. I've only ever told one person about this because we were talking about experiences with loss and tragedy, in a private conversation. But that's one of the situations where I wish I had someone I was intimate with to talk to.

    But whatever, it is what it is, and life's unpredictable. I still love life, and I still love being a help to all my friends.

    In retrospect, that thing about my best friend sounds a little too gay. Oh well, we've grabbed each others asses before, and professed our love for one another. Don't give a fuck, he's my bro.

    Anyway, that's my bit. Love you, Facepunch <3
    Thought I'd send in another confession since the thread is low on content at the minute. So this one will be more for your entertainment than for the purpose of me getting something off my chest. But I can assure you it's still true.

    Anyway on with the confession...

    When I was a little smaller, think I was probably about 9 or 10, I had a friend, let's call him Barry. We're still friends, but he moved house about a year or so ago, so I haven't seen him in a while.
    So anyway, whenever Barry came over to my house, we'd play video games, go on the computer, you know, the normal shit friends do.
    But sometimes, when my parents went out, we'd go upstairs, dim the lights, and "practice" having sex. We agreed that, and I quote, "it doesn't count as real sex because we're practicing for when we do it on girls."
    We didn't get naked or touch dicks or anything, we'd just sort of dry-hump. Actually, it wasn't even really dry-humping, we'd just get in bed with our clothes on and just lie on top of each other.
    We didn't cum or anything, we'd only do it for like a few minutes before resuming whatever it was we were doing before.
    I don't even know. It was kind of weird, but we both enjoyed doing it. Well, I enjoyed it, I assume he did too, as he never refused to do it with me.

    So yeah. Take from that what you will.


    Oh yes, another quick one. Remember that "Babysitting Rachel" incest-fic from a few versions back? I've fapped to that a couple of times. Both times I felt just awful afterwards.

    And with that image seared into your minds, I bid you adieu.

    First let me tell you how awesome you are for doing this, there are some things I've done that I feel I have to tell someone. I'll try to keep this short because I'm leaving soon, but I'll make sure to send in more.

    1) A few years ago, I used to fantasize about raping my friends younger sister when I went over to stay the night. I never would really do it, but I had it pretty much all planned out. I never told him or his sister (why the hell would I do that, right?) and I still talk to both of them today. I should also note that its not like shes really young, shes only two years younger than me.
    2) I steal shit. Not from stores, I'm too scared of being caught. I steal from my friends. I know that its messed up and wrong, but I just did it. I don't know when it started, but I know it started with little things like pencils and small change. It then moved onto more valuable shit, like HDDs, games, various computer components, and more. I recently have stopped this though, and I no longer feel the urge to do it. I've only told one friend about this, the same one from the first confession. He asked if I've ever stolen anything from him, I told him the truth, but hes cool and didn't really care.
    3) When I was a small little tyke, around the age of five, I would have 'sex' with my older sister. She was seven at the time and it was just something we did. I don't even know how it started, but we called it playing cards, and she basically just laid on top of me. Our aunt caught us and told our mom. We got such a spanking it wasn't even funny (but its funny as hell now.) I vaguely remember it, and I wonder if my sister remembers it, I'll never know though because I'm not about to ask her if she remembers that.
    4) You know those weird head rushes you get when you stand up too fast? (I have no idea what they are really called and I hope you guys know what I'm talking about.) Sometimes I get really bad ones and i fall over (probably passing out lol) One day I had just woken up from a nap and had to piss really bad, so I ran upstairs to the bathroom. I pissed and everything was fine. Now I'm sure you're wondering why I mentioned head rushes at the begging right? Well, right after I had finished pissing, a really bad rush hit me. I couldn't see at all (this also happens sometimes) and I was rocking to and fro. Now keep in mind that I hadn't flushed yet so there was a toilet full of piss waiting to catch me if I fell, and boy did I fall. I smashed me knee on the rim of the bowl (which hurt like fuck) and face planted quite nicely into my piss. When I realized what had happen i freaked out. I kept my eyes closed and stripped off my shirt and wiped my face off then washed my face in the sink. After this I went to my room and got some clothes. I went and took a shower, which consisted of washing my face and swearing like a sailor. No one heard me fall apparently because no one asked about all the banging when I came out of the bathroom. This was about a month ago and I feel so dumb about the whole situation.

    So thanks again for doing this Oogala, you're a modern day hero.

    (and just because everyone else is doing it, I'll leave an anonymous name tag, so you can all laugh at my combined life failures)
    ~Gary.Oak

    p.s. you have no idea how many variants of 'GaryOak' gmail accounts there are, it took forever to come up with one that wasn't taken.
    Dawww, I miss you guys too, haha. I'm not really gone though, saw me being banned coming like a year ago, so I have a plethora of alts. Just keep making new ones and whatnot so Postal can keep jerking his tiny peepee to the concept of banning me. Poor guy even banned a dude I know from school who posts on FP out of paranoia, major hahaha oh wow moment there.

    Anyways, I confess that I actually looked up to a few people on FP. I'm far from being a perfect individual. I might be incredibly awesome and accomplish a lot of great things from time to time, but I'm not naive enough to think I don't have any faults. Not about to bother with changing how I'm an asshole or whatever, things like that are integral parts of me. I actually looked up to people like Dark_Light and thisispain, because while I believed I brought more to the table in terms of varied experience, they were able to get through to the people I couldn't.

    My methods are a huge hit or miss type of thing. When it hits, people really get helped out. I'm proud to say I've made progress on some kids everyone else completely failed to help. However, when I miss, I miss hard. Kids I miss on instantly jump on the whole "alpha" bandwagon, despite me never saying something (seriously) about being alpha or whatever. Take a gander at the OP of the now-locked thread I made (because mod like to circlejerk over being autists) and you'd see I actually condone being yourself and NOT trying to be some alpha douchenozzle or whatever.

    But what is done is done. I won't stop being an asshole. Postal won't stop having penis envy, Autumn won't stop being insecure about having small tits, BDA won't stop being that kid who sits in the corner of the cafeteria with no friends, and Garry won't wipe his butt. It is what it is.

    Oh yeah, and uhhh, I confess that one time a girl stuck her finger in my butt without any warning at all and flipped out when it had poopoo on it after my reflexes caused me to push her finger out like I was pinching off a loaf. Felt horrible and was fucking gross, but god damn that shit was funny.
    It's that schitzo-ish guy again, I've just wanted a lil 'bit of help with some things, and to speak out a bit.
    I believe that a reason why I'm hallucenating and having all this shit happen to me is my lonliness. I once loved someone, but that person was- although nice and kind to me, and heartwarming- turned out to be cheating on me. What's worse was, that when she left me due to 'distance', she was already cheating on me a second time, I never knew anything about the first one.
    After that, I turned... I don't know what to call it, Asexual? It's the opposite of bisexual. I no longer love for women, and I've never really loved men.
    Since then, I've felt a crushing sense of lonliness and I feel sad that I could never love anyone again, or raise a family. And every time I think of those things, hallucenations do tend to come and amplify my depresson.

    It's kinda hard to say, women just... do nothing for me. at all now. not since her, anyway. I've been thoroughly convinced by that almost-year-long relationship that relationships are pointless, unneeded, and the ratio of pain to pleasure is overwhelming- to me, at least. I had fun with her, but when she broke up with me, all that hatred and lonliness came crashing down on me. And I doubt I could raise a family anyway with all this schitzo-shit going on.

    In a few years, if I'm still displaying schitzo symptoms, I'll go to a doctor or something, get some help. right now, they're hurting no-one else but me, as I don't really act out against them (Unless I'm alone) and if I do start acting out against them, or if they start being too much for me, so much that I'd probably start hurting others, I'd probably go to a doctor sooner.

    I want to love, but I can't. I've turned unwillingly asexual due to some event. And even though that event shouldn't really have turned me asexual, it did for some strange reason. And I don't want to be alone. I want someone who I can confide in, who I can love, but I can't.

    I guess that's why I like facepunch, really. I can confide with random people over the internet, but it's not the same as love. I use FP and games as some sort of emotional outlet, and it lessens the hallucenations, but otherwise I just feel lonely and depressed and I start seeing/hearing/feeling random shit again. So, I'm thinking that I should just become more social. Get some really, good true friends, because a friend is better than nothing. Trust me, having someone to share emotions with is a great thing. I had a friend once, years ago, but then I moved away. Since then people've avoided me (as I seem a bit... creepy) and this whole lonliness thing started getting more serious. I know people hear this 'friendship is bestship' cliche shit all the damn time, but it's true.

    Anyway, I'm gonna go try to change some of my attitude, make some friends, and go away now. Talking about all this has made me hallucenate a bit again- I hear a 8-year-old sounding girl scream under my bed sometimes, and it's happening right now. see ya.

    Oh, and got any good friend-making tips? thanks. see ya.
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  38. Post #758
    Dennab
    June 2009
    6,549 Posts
    fuck yes
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  39. Post #759
    Dennab
    December 2009
    5,578 Posts
    Maybe it's a new special infected that will appear in L4D 3.

    I have a joke for you guys: If a special kid gets infected, does he come a special infected?
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  40. Post #760
    PIRATE METAL BASTARD
    Zenpod's Avatar
    October 2009
    5,910 Posts
    I know this isn't anonymous but I have to get it off my chest, so sorry...

    I was at a cosplay thing a while back, and I saw a fat girl in a zombie outfit, and shouted "Hey look, a boomer!"

    The girl gave me the dirtiest look and ran away. My friend tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, "She was dressed as a hunter, dude..."
    I almost want to frame this and put it on my wall
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