1. Post #1001
    Gold Member
    General J's Avatar
    June 2008
    3,343 Posts
    From earlier today:

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  2. Post #1002
    Stay Rusty
    postal's Avatar
    April 2005
    12,139 Posts
    1:25
    I hate my router i hate my router i hatE MY ROUTER
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  3. Post #1003
    Don Knotts's Avatar
    October 2009
    2,177 Posts
    What's the fastest way to farm the Firebug perk at the moment?

    are there any tricks or something to get it moving faster?
    Use the grenades once you're perk 3. Kite a huge group and toss an incendiary grenade into them. You'll have perk 6 in no time, it was my first max'd perk.
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  4. Post #1004
    Gold Member
    Corndog Ninja's Avatar
    May 2010
    8,988 Posts


    Edited:

    I bought Killing Floor during the Christmas event and have never played the basic version.
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  5. Post #1005
    bhomer2's Avatar
    November 2010
    170 Posts
    I bought it last christmas, so I know the feeling.
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  6. Post #1006
    Gold Member
    =DarkStar='s Avatar
    August 2010
    8,977 Posts


    Edited:

    I bought Killing Floor during the Christmas event and have never played the basic version.
    The unreal mod is WAY more scary.
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  7. Post #1007
    Japanese Cerberus
    Dennab
    August 2011
    8,076 Posts
    Hi guys, fixed some of the grammatical errors.

    [h2]Oh and you might want to scroll past this if you're at work.[/h2]

    Give her a kiss

    Thorne looked at the Gorefast which spat blood and gurgled at him, running full speed with it's...candy blade ready. It looks tasty, he thought. Regardless of the creature's skin colour he prepared his axe and with a swing let the abomination free of it's head. Finally it went quiet about it being delicious and impossible to catch. Thorne crouched next to the Gingerfast's body in the middle of all the carnage, took some of the sticky, sweet-smelling blood onto his gloves and tasted it.

    "Stupid man, this one is delicious!" he shouted at Sergeant Davis who was currently firing his LAW at an approaching Fleshpound.
    "Which one are yew eatin' now, wonker? Get back to chopping their bloody heads off," the sergeant coldly replied as he took another rocket out of his ammo pouch and stuffed it in the oversized rocket launcher.
    "One with knife, 'it' said it was delicious."
    "I don't fucking care, mate, just grab your axe and kill these things, why don't you?!" he yelled back as the Fleshpound roared in rage and it's chest light turned into a bright red.

    As it charged through a Bloat and several clots, it's rampage was interrupted by Thorne's axe. It fell limp in front of Davis and with a squeamish sound, the axe was pulled free from the monster's cranium.

    "Tar, mate." Davis responded to his savior.
    "No. Pissing off. Thorne." The mutated security guard grunted as he ran off in the middle of the specimen wave, laughing maniacally and waving his axe around like a berserker.


    Davis looked after the security guard after a while, but was shaken awake by footsteps approaching him from behind. He turned out only to find out a bloodthirsty Christmas stalker ready to plunge her claws in his stomach. Having little time to react, he grabbed the launcher and swung it like a golf club as he turned around. "Mrs. Claws" was knocked back several feet before collapsing on another dead Clot.

    As the battle raged on, the rest of the team was pushed back even more as the count of dead specimens reached two hundred. One of the crew members, Constable Briar, was wondering why this wave of enemies was so god damned large. Usually they were only a hundred and fifty, give or take a dozen. He took careful aim with his hunting shotgun, but then lowered it, thought *fuck it* to himself and ran right in front of another Jack Frost before stuffing both barrels in it's mouth and pulling the trigger. Sadly, some of the mess got on his visor as well. As he tore the visor off his eyes, a Clot grabbed him from behind. Annoyed beyond belief, he cursed in three different languages and grabbed the Clot's head, pushed his fingers in the damned thing's eye sockets and finally took a deep breath as the specimen let go of it's crushing grip.

    Hours and hours were spent fighting, wave after wave, specimen after specimen until it went quiet. The trader had already left a long while ago, they'd been just scavenging for ammunition at this point and they mostly just used melee weapons, saving ammunition for bigger game. As they walked through the streets littered with mangled, bullet-ridden and in many occasions beheaded specimen corpses, Davis detected movement in the corpse pile. He immediately went towards the moving carcass, he did not want another half-dead gorefast nicking him in the back like last Saturday. What he found, however, was a Stalker in christmas clothing. For a moment, he actually stopped to look at the situation and the oddity of it. Then he pulled out his Beretta and lifted the gas mask aside to get a clear shot at the beast.

    As Davis saw the monster's face, however, he felt pity. She looked unusually beautiful for a specimen. Everything else was either too ugly or covered in metal to be attractive, but without her mask, the Stalker looked almost like an ordinary human. Only her light blue irises with black lines and claw-like fingers gave away her origins. Barely breathing and conscious, she mumbled something deliriously to herself and Davis took a moment to simply observe her. The others now noticed how their teammate had fallen behind and walked back to see what the man was doing, crouched over a corpse. Thorne thought he tried to taste the meat. Briar suspected the sergeant had fallen into necrophilia. Scully just didn't give a fuck as some trance boomed in his headphones.

    "Mate, whatcha got here?" the former constable asked as they approached the crouching soldier.
    "This thing, probably a stalker. Still alive, but barely."
    "Eat it," Thorne suggested as if it was an obvious solution to everything besides killing.
    "I'm not going to eat it, you tosspot," Davis replied, disgusted.
    "Well then just shoot it, we have to prepare for the next bloody wave on this bloody block of bloody endless waves of bloody, furcoated, useless-as-fuck zombies," Briar said impatiently.
    "I would, but...just look at 'er, looks human...unlike the rest of the sort. Feels kinda shameful to just off something like this, doncha think?" The sergeant responded.
    "I'll kill it," Thorne answered.
    "No no no...wait you crazy cunt. So you actually want to keep her alive? What in the bloody hell has gotten to you?" Briar asked as he raised his hand in front of Thorne, who was already playing with the blade of his axe.
    "No, not keep her alive, just that I'd like to take a moment of silence, all right?"
    "We're wasting time here. I have approximately six hundred kills which is worth a lot of dosh. Since the trader isn't here in western London, we have to hike ALL THE WAY TO THE FUCKING LABS! NOW DO YOU SEE WHY I'M SO FUCKING ANGRY?!"
    "Fuck yeah." Davis answered without even turning to the mad constable. He grabbed the stalker's head and raised it a little. The poor thing was coughing up blood occasionally and was chanting something about her father again and again. He really did not want to kill it...kill her.
    "I got an idea," Scully said out of the blue. All three turned to him, as he broke the silence.
    "Let's rape her."

    Another moment of silence. Everyone just looked at the DJ, not knowing what to say. Scully put his headphones back on and let the trance smooth his ears and erase any feeling of awkward social positioning. Thorne was the first to wake up from the vulgar suggestion. He turned back on the specimen in Davis' arms and looked at it in a completely new light. Oiled skin. Revealed body. He liked what he saw.

    Briar was next to turn away from the misfit retard of a teammate. Whatever he knew about music and handling a crossbow, he did not know how many sexually transmitted diseases exist on the planet, how easily clones can spread toxins and other impure genetic information just by fluids and how morally wrong it'd be. Then again, he looked that the Christmas-themed clone. Needless to say, he became tempted. The thing might be evil, but it is fucking hot.

    Scully had thought about it the first time he saw these things. He always got laid in rave parties and was told to have a sex addiction. All that talk might've been bullshit, but sex is awesome, and hey, if this gal can give him a good blow job, he doesn't have anything against it. His drug stash had started to grow thin lately anyway.

    Sergeant Davis stared at his teammate the longest. As he turned back on the delirious specimen calling for it's father, officer Thorne pushed him aside with unnecessary force. He tore the red chest piece off the stalker, revealing quite appealing pair of breasts. The mutated lab rat of Horzine obviously had a twisted sense of the world, but only now Davis realized he might have just as well walked with a specimen all this time. Thorne then pulled the poor thing's skirt down it's legs. The stalker had no underwear for whatever purpose. As the former security guard started almost casually fondling her chest, she uttered:

    "F-father...Help..."
    Then Davis snapped.
    "Get off of her you muppet, she's not a sex toy-" but the determined beast of a man threw the soldier's hand off his shoulder and glanced at him.
    "No. Too much pain. I want other fun."

    As the soldier backed off, Briar shrugged his shoulders and grabbed the stalkers head. Even if the mutant could start having fun with her in the middle of all the carnage, he had some sort of a nose left and the rotting stench of carcasses would be a huge turnoff. He pulled her off the street, to the Horzine employee's great disappointment and lifted her up on a street pole. He took his healing syringe out and gave her a small injection on her left butt cheek. She gave a quiet moan as the coagulants and adrenaline went into her blood stream, fixing internal bleeding and letting her stand on her own feet again. As she tried to claw at Briar, though, he simply grabbed her hands, tied them behind her back and handcuffed her. As much as she struggled, she couldn't break them free.

    Scully walked over quite casually, opened the zip in his pants, grabbed his knife and cut off the stalker's overgrown nails. He then whopped out his meat from the zipper and put it in the stalker's hand with a swagger. The stalker sneered at him, but the DJ didn't even give a fuck. Instead, he started moving her hand back and forth manually, getting himself off just on the specimen's body. Briar, on the other hand, saw a pack of condoms in Scully's pocket. He grabbed one like a ninja, took off his glove and wrapped it around his index finger. He then slowly rubbed the stalker's exposed cunt, throwing a few snide remarks about her being a slut and/or a prostitute.

    Thorne watched the two play with her. He just wanted to bang that chick. Sure, his wife might not like it but she probably didn't like him the moment he came home after the first failed experiment. Instead of playing with the stalker, he jerked off at her body, leaning against the wall and quite impatiently waiting for his turn. Davis didn't even want to look at the show, he just walked further away from the show. Trying to ignore the guys' laugh and the poor, abused specimen's moaning and growling, only thinking of it as a freak of nature, he walked to a car tunnel and lighted a smoke, still walking further away. If he encounters a wave, then so fucking be it, if he stays there any longer he'll shoot his so-called friends in the head.

    Thorne grows impatient and pushes Briar aside who's having way too much toying with the stalker. She's already gotten moist over the constant stimulus provided by the constable's condom finger. Without any words, the guard reveals his mutated penis. It looks quite vulgar with a green spot on the side, several bumps and noticeable size. He rubs it against the Stalker's moistened hole which makes them both groan. After a few strokes his lust takes over and he thrusts in with a full-blown erection. The Stalker's fuckhole feels nice and tight as he starts pumping in and out. As much as Thorne is enjoying himself, a street pole isn't a very comfortable place to lie on for the specimen.

    She pulls herself up and only ends up falling on the street. With her hands still handcuffed behind her back, the mutated security guard pushes her face against the street and re-inserts himself, continuing his instinctive hammering. As he starts thrusting faster and deeper, the pleasure starts to slowly overcome the Stalker's mind, her memories of painful surgeries and cloning facilities giving way to her pussy getting repeatedly ravaged by this lewd, mutated cock. It didn't take much longer before she didn't even hide her pleasure, moaning like a whore with each push.

    At this point Scully pushed Thorne's hand aside and lifted her head, offering his human dick for her. She eagerly opened her mouth and even though it's a little unstable of a position, the DJ started fucking her throat while still keeping the headphones on, listening to Nightcore at the same time.

    Briar stepped next to Thorne, whipping out his member now and rolling the condom on it. He starts slowly stroking it, waiting for his turn to feel this slut's depths. Thorne, however, isn't satisfied when he roars and lets his load inside the Stalker. He pulls his dick out, smiling as his seed flows out of the Stalker's loosened and wet honeypot. Briar crawls under the abused specimen, prepares his cock and lets the now willing freak sit on it. Thorne, on the other hand, tests the slickness of his pleased love hammer. Covered in pussy nectar and his own cum, he takes some of it with his fingers and rubs the Stalker's ass with it. His patience runs lower the hornier he gets so after a short anal fingering he positions his huge mutant meat spear at the clone slut's pulsating asshole. Slowly he pushes himself in, forcing her body down Briar's cock as well. Scully feels a little increase in her sucking power and promptly blows his load in her throat. Thorne starts pumping in and out of her ass as Briar dirty talks to her, fondling her pair of cherries and ramming her already ravaged cunt.

    They all lose a sense of time and eventually Briar takes off the handcuffs to ease movement. The Stalker now doesn't even care about killing them, so strong is the instinctive human behavior of reproduction that it even pushes through her psychological programming. She takes each thrust, each hard cock inside any of her holes willingly. All three guys cum in her well-fucked holes more than once. Her stomach starts churning a little as it gets filled with more and more sperm, her ass and gaping cunt already overflowing with white, hot and sticky goo. Briar lets his last load loose while penetrating the Stalker's already loosened ass. His condom started overflowing with his cum a while ago, but he probably kept it on just in case it might still prevent some of the diseases. Or he just forgot, nobody really knows.

    Scully really has been casual about it all the time. He sat down on the street and let the whore of a specimen deep-throat him while he was browsing his MP3 player's list for a good song. Thorne kept furiously pounding her from every direction, in every position and angle imaginable fifteen times in total. Obviously the bitch took a liking to his large cock and even pushed herself against it when he was about to ram her from behind doggy style.

    Davis already was walking six blocks away, trying to block the intensifying shouting. Suddenly, he hit something. He looked in front of him and saw an awfully familiar reddish skin and a yellow chest light. He turned 180 degrees and bolted behind a corner. From there, he started running towards the others. Who cares if they were raping that poor thing, this was a matter of life and death, not morals anymore.

    The final wave was approaching. And it probably meant the main target was approaching as well. With that fucking minigun and rocket launcher, probably. He pulled out his katana and sprinted as fast as he could through the narrow alleys of London, littered with fires and destroyed cars. A few Crawlers jumped in front of him, but a quick swing from the katana took their life. As he got back to where the team was, taking a smoke save for Thorne who was still lifting the delirious stalker up and down his cock like a sex doll.

    "Get the fuck up, the last wave is coming, guys!"
    Briar slowly got up, threw the cigarette away and looked Davis in the eyes. The sergeant noticed that the former police officer's eyes had a spark in them they didn't have before.
    "Oh, let it come. I'm ready now that I've had a good refreshing...drink during such a hot summer day such as this. Besides, duty calls, right?"
    "Uh, Briar? Y'all right? Yew talk awfully nicely."
    "Don't let it get to yourself twat, I was just happy. Don't make me lose the fucking feel now."
    "More pain to give? Wait one sec!" Thorne shouted at the two as he came the last time in the relaxed body of a well-abused Christmas Stalker.


    31 hours later, a shadow looms above the Stalker's body. She'd been unconscious for over a day, exhausted from what the humans did to her. She squinted her eyes as she tried to see what was in front of her.

    "Now, my daughter. Have you been naughty?" Clamely asked his creation, kneeling over it.
    "I....just wanted to give them a kiss."
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  8. Post #1008
    Don Knotts's Avatar
    October 2009
    2,177 Posts
    da fuck did I just readohgodwat
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  9. Post #1009
    Creeper's Avatar
    July 2010
    1,566 Posts
    Damnit, was 2 achievements off unlocking Santa. Next year!


    Edit: Wait, no. Still Xmas, such a misleading comic.
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  10. Post #1010
    Gold Member
    Corndog Ninja's Avatar
    May 2010
    8,988 Posts
    I need three regular and one map achievement. You'd think "Back to Work" and "That's Not Santa!" would be easier.

    Edited:

    I really wish you could use Christmas 2011 achievements.
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  11. Post #1011
    Creeper's Avatar
    July 2010
    1,566 Posts
    I need three regular and one map achievement. You'd think "Back to Work" and "That's Not Santa!" would be easier.

    Edited:

    I really wish you could use Christmas 2011 achievements.
    But they are easy. Back to Work especially, just solo on short/normal.

    Anyway, I've done 11 2010 Xmas achievements, how many do I need for Santa?

    Edit: Ah, need a map achievement.
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  12. Post #1012
    Gold Member
    Corndog Ninja's Avatar
    May 2010
    8,988 Posts
    But they are easy. Back to Work especially, just solo on short/normal.

    Anyway, I've done 11 2010 Xmas achievements, how many do I need for Santa?

    Edit: Ah, need a map achievement.
    I suck at solo normal - if even one clot grabs me once, it's all over.
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  13. Post #1013
    Gold Member
    =DarkStar='s Avatar
    August 2010
    8,977 Posts
    I suck at solo normal - if even one clot grabs me once, it's all over.
    Beginner works too.
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  14. Post #1014
    Gold Member
    Santz's Avatar
    June 2009
    6,866 Posts
    You cant get any map achievement on beginner, its a Normal(or above)-Long game on Ice cave or Santas lair.
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  15. Post #1015
    Gold Member
    Corndog Ninja's Avatar
    May 2010
    8,988 Posts
    You cant get any map achievement on beginner, its a Normal(or above)-Long game on Ice cave or Santas lair.
    True, but we were talking about enemy-killing achievements.
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  16. Post #1016
    Gold Member
    Santz's Avatar
    June 2009
    6,866 Posts
    My bad then!
    If you are trying to get the achievements, try to do so with a friend, much easier(killing gingerbread man from the back is fucking hard solo)
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  17. Post #1017
    Gold Member
    Corndog Ninja's Avatar
    May 2010
    8,988 Posts
    This is old, but I think it is a very accurate representation of the game.

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  18. Post #1018
    Gold Member
    Cone's Avatar
    August 2011
    19,008 Posts
    This is old, but I think it is a very accurate representation of the game.

    HOLY FUCK WHY WAS THAT STALKER SCREAM SO LOUD
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  19. Post #1019
    Stay Rusty
    postal's Avatar
    April 2005
    12,139 Posts
    LETS PLAY NOW
    My router can suck a dick, we're playing anyways

    96.252.37.71


    99 SLOTS! JOIN! INVITE PEOPLE! etc


    we also edited max zeds on map at a time to 600. yeaaaa
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  20. Post #1020
    27X
    Rantasaurus Rex
    27X's Avatar
    July 2010
    6,015 Posts
    HOLY FUCK WHY WAS THAT STALKER SCREAM SO LOUD
    It was always that loud until people said fucking change it.

    So they did.
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  21. Post #1021
    spanaren's Avatar
    September 2009
    5,049 Posts
    How do I connect through IP?
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  22. Post #1022
    Creeper's Avatar
    July 2010
    1,566 Posts
    Zerking with 260+ ping, ohgodwhatthefuckmode. Don't make fun of me ;_;
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  23. Post #1023
    Gold Member
    vexx21322's Avatar
    December 2008
    10,613 Posts
    How do I connect through IP?
    Open ip
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  24. Post #1024
    Flyingman356's Avatar
    June 2008
    5,061 Posts
    is it just me or is firebug fucking impossible to level

    none of the weapons other than the flamethrower actually add to the damage bar and I hate the flamethrower.
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  25. Post #1025
    Gold Member
    vexx21322's Avatar
    December 2008
    10,613 Posts
    is it just me or is firebug fucking impossible to level

    none of the weapons other than the flamethrower actually add to the damage bar and I hate the flamethrower.
    Well, it does say you need to do fire damage.
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  26. Post #1026
    27X
    Rantasaurus Rex
    27X's Avatar
    July 2010
    6,015 Posts
    The Ft is faster than the other two by an order of magnitude, and leveling berserker takes even longer.
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  27. Post #1027
    ask me for a rust key :~)
    LordCrypto's Avatar
    December 2008
    18,349 Posts
    protip:using the magnum glitch to drop your weight loads in a single trader session CRAShes your game

    BE wARNED
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  28. Post #1028
    Squidward's Avatar
    September 2010
    52 Posts
    needs moar killing floor 2 with campaign mode coop
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  29. Post #1029
    Gold Member
    johnlmonkey's Avatar
    March 2010
    6,813 Posts
    needs moar killing floor 2 with campaign mode coop
    Wow. No really, wow.
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  30. Post #1030
    PotatoArmada's Avatar
    November 2010
    8,554 Posts
    is it just me or is firebug fucking impossible to level

    none of the weapons other than the flamethrower actually add to the damage bar and I hate the flamethrower.
    I hardly ever used the flamethrower and just used the Mac 10 to level fb up. Something must be messed up with your game.
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  31. Post #1031
    Stay Rusty
    postal's Avatar
    April 2005
    12,139 Posts
    protip:using the magnum glitch to drop your weight loads in a single trader session CRAShes your game

    BE wARNED
    There was a couple things we were doing that might've been what caused people to crash at round start. Might've been from buying a fuck ton of guns, or just a side effect of setting trader time to 9 minutes mid match. Could have even been from having so many damn people in the server. Fucking sucks, whatever was causing it.
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  32. Post #1032
    Flyingman356's Avatar
    June 2008
    5,061 Posts
    I hardly ever used the flamethrower and just used the Mac 10 to level fb up. Something must be messed up with your game.
    I used the Mac and Husk Cannon for a while and it stayed on 210k. Should I spray constantly, or ignite and run?
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  33. Post #1033
    PotatoArmada's Avatar
    November 2010
    8,554 Posts
    I used the Mac and Husk Cannon for a while and it stayed on 210k. Should I spray constantly, or ignite and run?
    I just went nuts with the Mac10. Maybe they broke it in their last update and only the flamethrower works.
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  34. Post #1034
    Gold Member
    Corndog Ninja's Avatar
    May 2010
    8,988 Posts
    So close, and yet so far:


    Two achievements shy, and that's where it'll end for me. I'm not good enough to play on difficulties that'll spawn 20 clots or 3 bloats I can kill, I'm still Level 0 on Berzerker so I can't get more than one or two kills in ZED time, and I'm too poor to afford tier three weapons, let alone spare them.

    Oh well, maybe next year. I am just a beginner, after all.

    Edited:

    On the plus side, I'm a level 2 commando now.
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  35. Post #1035
    Stay Rusty
    postal's Avatar
    April 2005
    12,139 Posts
    Seriously if you guys weren't on the 99 slot server earlier you fucking MISSED OUT.

    35 people were on. At one point this guy got randomly launched way into the air and landed on a telephone pole. stood up there rest of the game just distracting zombies for us




    So i climbed the nearest mountain and sniped the group with a fucking well-placed LAW



    Note the difference in zombie count. Yeah.
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  36. Post #1036
    Flyingman356's Avatar
    June 2008
    5,061 Posts
    62. Solid. About how much dosh did that earn you?
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  37. Post #1037
    Stay Rusty
    postal's Avatar
    April 2005
    12,139 Posts
    I didn't take notice I was too busy laughing like a fucking lunatic firing LAW round after LAW round. It was glorious.
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  38. Post #1038
    Japanese Cerberus
    Dennab
    August 2011
    8,076 Posts
    I didn't take notice I was too busy laughing like a fucking lunatic firing LAW round after LAW round. It was glorious.
    I always miss your server times.
    Fucking time zones.
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  39. Post #1039
    Hi Jo
    Jo The Shmo's Avatar
    February 2009
    22,889 Posts


    i played around with some console commands and gave people money



    36 people I think
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  40. Post #1040
    Gold Member
    Dennab
    June 2009
    17,111 Posts
    That is how I imagine a Killing Floor Con would look like.
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