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**Exorade** · 21st February 2012

Only spartan women give birth to real men, so to do that you should first be a spartan.

**TehAgentGuy** · 21st February 2012

Who wants to proofread this paper?
http://pastebin.com/C5DdvTYn

**Exorade** · 21st February 2012

Part II of The Other Wes Moore deals with the adolescent years of the author and “Other” Wes Moore.

Errrr...

**TehAgentGuy** · 21st February 2012

Now how do I fix that then?

**The Castro** · 21st February 2012

Joazzz posted:

YOU'RE DEAD MOTHERFUCKER

SAY THAT TO MY FACE, BRO

?

**Exorade** · 21st February 2012

TehAgentGuy posted:

Now how do I fix that then?

"In part II of The Other, Wes Moore deals with his adolescent years and the "other" Wes Moore."

That's just my guess though, it's not my native language.

**wraithcat** · 21st February 2012

TehAgentGuy posted:

Who wants to proofread this paper?
http://pastebin.com/C5DdvTYn

It's massively confusing, you're jumping between the two characters without any consideration to the reader and have little logical structure to your paragraphs.

I had to track back because I wasn't actually sure which of the two Wes' you were talking at times. The real one or the Other one.

Quickly put together a logical structure to it. At least as far as I understand what was happening in the book. Keep in mind it's quickly written without checking for any grammar, capitalisation or punctuation.

Part two of the the other Wes Moore continues the story of Wes as well as the Other into their adolescent years. The lives of the two finally begin to strongly diverge and we are given a clue on how both ended up in their current situations. The real Wes is struggling with his education. while the "other" is a drug dealer.

Wes' mother is strongly dissapointed in him and soon decides to send him to military school in order for him to improve. Yet before that happens, he is arrested for tagging a wall with an aspiring drug runner, Shea. Due to being a minor, Wes is released without being charged. This doesn't change much, as a week later he is tagging another wall in Bronx.

His mother now steps in and sends the boy to the Valley forge military academy. Wes feels betrayed by her, ant attempts to run away at least four times in his first days there. One of his superiors, perhaps to teach him a lesson, gives him a map with an escape route. Wes meticulously plans but ends up lost in the forest once he discovers that the map is a fake.

In the end, he learns to love the school and becomes a platoon sergeant. It shows that with the support of others, he was able to turn his life on a right path. This part concludes with Wes and a fellow cadet being attacked by drunkards. They escape back to the academy trough the very same forest, that Wes was lost in during his first days.

During this time, the "other" is dealing drugs out on the street, making quite a lot of money out of it. This doesn't go unnoticed by his brother, Tony, who beats him up in front of their mother, after he notices a change in the other Wes' lifestyle. he doesn't accomplish anything and soon give up trying to change the other Wes. Mary, the mother of two notices a change herself and finds boxes of drugs in Wes' room. This brings her to a realisation that her son is a drug dealer.

They move to Dundee village and the other Wes is made to attend the Perry High high school with his godbrother Red. There he meets a girl named Alicia and gets her pregnant. He doesn't calm down though and goes out with other girls as well. This gets him involved with a shootout with one of the girl's boyfriends and Wes is charged with attempted murder.

He's given six months in juvenile detention. After his return he attempts to get back into school but has to quit after his and Alecia's child is born. Having no high school and a criminal record made finding a job for him very difficult. He moves out of Dundee but keeps a drug running operation in the village. The police find and arrest him at gunpoint. So ends his part of the story.

**ChestyMcGee** · 21st February 2012

TehAgentGuy posted:

Who wants to proofread this paper?
http://pastebin.com/C5DdvTYn

do you keep saying "the author" because the book is in 1st person? unless it's an autobiographical story then it's not "the author" - the author is just a writer, not a character. you should refer to the 1st person as the narrator or speaker

**Exorade** · 21st February 2012

Oh, I thought the author is Wes Moore.

Spectre1406 · 21st February 2012

gotta love underworld man

**TehAgentGuy** · 21st February 2012

Exorade posted:

Oh, I thought the author is Wes Moore.

He is, apparently they both have the same name.

**Exorade** · 21st February 2012

You could have mentioned what it was about, I thought "the other wes moore" was a missing a comma and in fact wasn't the title of the book.

**Joazzz** · 21st February 2012

Steam down?

**Exorade** · 21st February 2012

-Was for a moment, not anymore though.

**wraithcat** · 21st February 2012

Still is here.

**XanaToast.** · 21st February 2012

just magically came back

**Joazzz** · 21st February 2012

Praise the Newell

**ChestyMcGee** · 21st February 2012

quite frustrating that it's really angsty and so indie for people to say noel gallagher and oasis are/were over-rated but then one of the most glaringly mediocre guitar players/writers/singers of recent times gets the award for "best british male artist" at the british music awards tonight

**Zeraxify** · 21st February 2012

ChestyMcGee posted:

quite frustrating that it's really angsty and so indie for people to say noel gallagher and oasis are/were over-rated but then one of the most glaringly mediocre guitar players/writers/singers of recent times gets the award for "best british male artist" at the british music awards tonight

1d is gonna get all the awards according to my facebook

**ChestyMcGee** · 21st February 2012

autotuned children are my favourite artists too

**Zeraxify** · 21st February 2012

in other news i bought alan wake and it's absolutely brilliant. fantastic game for the price, really scary at times. but it's not cheap scares, just the overall mood is really tense.

fucking love remedy games. best part is that it's filled with max payne references

**Joazzz** · 21st February 2012

See, we finns are good at SOMETHING!

Oh, Angry Birds? That never happened. It doesn't exist.

**LunaBadger** · 21st February 2012

**TheGoodDoctorF** · 21st February 2012

Zeraxify posted:

in other news i bought alan wake and it's absolutely brilliant. fantastic game for the price, really scary at times. but it's not cheap scares, just the overall mood is really tense.

fucking love remedy games. best part is that it's filled with max payne references

I loved the atmosphere and overall telling of the story. But the gameplay elements seemed to mostly get in the way.It was trying to hard to be more action oriented at times and the adventure elements seemed really tacked on. This made it harder for me to get invested in the overall world of the game.

**ChestyMcGee** · 22nd February 2012

3ds max is so fucking frustrating. i hate 3d. i'm getting seriously behind and have no idea what's going on in the module anymore. it's so dull

**Zeraxify** · 22nd February 2012

TheGoodDoctorF posted:

I loved the atmosphere and overall telling of the story. But the gameplay elements seemed to mostly get in the way.It was trying to hard to be more action oriented at times and the adventure elements seemed really tacked on. This made it harder for me to get invested in the overall world of the game.

its kind of repetitive. but it works. the story is something else though, fucking brill