Mind you, it's not like, a medieval sword. More of a uh... Rather long and slim machete.
My job is so fucking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:
First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.
The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career oppertunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.
But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge dog walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.
Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.
And he would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for the fact that this is a copy-pasta!
Well, today was certainly a long day.
Left the house to go to work at 12:30pm. Get stuck in traffic on the highway 3 miles from work; end up having the freeway completely shut down for 1 1/2 hours. Arrive at work at 2:45pm. End up staying late that night sending out shipment to other stores; don't leave until 12:40am.
So, a 1-9:30pm shift turned into a 2:45-12:40am shift. Long. Freakin'. Day. Can't help thinking that the entire day was quite literally wasted.
I signed up to read Dr.Seuss to kids for 2 hours at my job. Basically getting paid to sit on my ass and read a bunch of 10 page books. I work at Target by the way.
I work at a Not-So-Super-Target.
It's not a Super Target. It's a regular Target but we have produce and a food court. So it's Not-So-Super.
I work on Flow Team.
I work at a sperm bank.
I cum in your cum.
I don't give a fuck.
thats not retail
Boss is extremely pissed after telling him i was going to be late for a funeral that i already told him about a week prior that i'd be a tiny bit later as my fiancee was really destroyed by the funeral.
He tells me not to come in since theres only 3 hours left in my shift then texts me 30 minutes later, you coming or not?
Budweiser recently changed their label. Naturally this is causing no end of confusion on the customer's behalf.
I've had everything from "is this the new flavour?" to "I should get a discount on the old labels because obviously the old stuff is past its sell-by date" to "I liked the old cans better, stock them more."
I worked in retail for 8 months. Every weekend I was there, doing my thing. I know what you guys go through. Working on the holidays was the worst. Once I worked on Easter.
Guys, I've fallen in love with a shopping cart. I was at Publix getting shit, this shopping cart was so perfect. It had no wobbly wheels, no bumps on the wheels, wasn't sticky, dirty, or wet. It only had a bit of rust on the bottom shelf thing.
It handled like a new sports car, I could control it with my pinky.
Had a weird experience a couple of weeks back. It was around 20:45 (the store closes at 21:00) and there were no customers. Some guy wearing biking gear (covering most of his face) came into the store, so my boss asked him if he could take off the stuff covering his face before he entered the store the next time (there's been some robberies in nearby stores lately). He said "No, because the only people who commit robbery are the police because they need to have something to do to avoid being fired." He then goes on to talk about how being talked to by the police was "death", and mumbled something about donkeys when he left the store.
So, working at a restour-... Place that serves and prepares food as a che-... Coo-... Grill-boy/wai-... Serv-... Uh... Phone-lady-man, I must say this... Don't bring your fucking spawn with you to pick up pizza. Mother of fuck, do I hate it when people bring kids. Why?
Age 0-3: Cries. All the time. Being someone with good parenting genes, it seems, this just... Pisses me off. Make. Your kid. Stop whining. It's triggering my momma-instincts to make the litte shitsack fucking shut up and be happy.
Age 4-9: Either A: Runs around all over the fucking place, triggering the fucking doorbell all the time and again. Even seen kids who triggered the doorbell JUST TO PISS ME OFF. I'm not kidding. They'd run in front of the sensor, then look and point and laugh when I looked. God damn it, kid. You're laughing at someone who's vastly underpaid (Like, beneath legal levels, at my place) AND wielding a knife and/or a 300 degrees hot spatula at all times. Do you REALLY want to piss me off?
Or they B: Are annoyingly curious. This one is obviously not as horrible, but still. Parents, don't put your kids on the counter. Food goes there, not fucking kids' asses. And the questions kids come up with. Ranging from the harmless "Whass joo naehm?" through the amazed, wide-eyed stare as one of my afghan colleauges speak to me and I reply, the kid soon muttering "You UNDERSTAND what he's saying?!" as if I am decyphering fuckin' hireoglyphs, and then of course, the bratty "What does this do?" followed by the kid reaching around and pressing like, the fuckin' reset key on the cash-register or something. (Well, only ever had one push in four burgers, but still.)
Age 10-16: I just hate people in this age. When I was that age, I sucked. The kids in that age, they suck. Anyone who knows a 14 year old will know what I mean.
Age 17 and up, they're normal people, capable of normal conversations, normal actions and normal fucking not being a retard. Also, hot chicks
So, recently at work we've had a bit of a personnel shift. A manager and assistant manager were sent to another store, and we got a new manager and SGA (level below assistant manager). Now, we got a new GA (entry level shift) and a new assistant manager. All four of these new people were from the same store. Well, today the schedule for next week was made...and I have no hours. I was also politely asked to hand in my keys so one of the employees from another store could use them.
I'm not going to jump the gun but I'm pretty sure this is a sign that I should look for another job, what think?
Oh, and I hate doing the dishes. Holy shit do I hate doing dishes. And there's a good reason for this. Y'see, back in the day, when my boss started the pizzeria, he had the whole place made to his specifications. Which is good for him, but I, being almost a foot taller, have some pretty major troubles standing hunched over the fucking sink for an hour doing dishes.
Oh, and I manage to always spray myself whenever cleaning something bowl-shaped. No matter how i hold it.
I wrote my letter of resignation 7 days ago, but I'm really starting to regret it.
Yesterday there was a box of libido pills on the baker's bench. Not gonna ask.
dick jokes aside, we had some customer back-order this case for a stationary desktop pc, then complained about how he didn't think the case would be so small when he came to pick it up from back-order, and that we should of told him (we did) and and that he needs this pc now because if he doesn't he might lose his job and etc.
this rant lasts for 10-15 minutes before he lets me even get a word in, to which I ask (roughly) "if you needed a pc why are you ordering a case?" his face went red and he left pretty soon after that
after this my boss was like "hey it's your birthday right" and then the 5 of us in store had some cake to celebrate so all was not lost
So i told the new floor manager and my secretary today unless I receive a raise of some form I am going back to the only duties I was hired to do with my wage which was ring and stock the beverage asile.
Today I had to sub in deli for a for a few hours, Deal with returns all day, I had been told by one of the owners to restock the entire drink asile myself cause I was short a cashier cause apparently I count as a cashier so i can't have 4 other cashiers come in to use our 4 registers Only 3 plus me. Anyway Had to deal with how fucking busy it got make signs and etc then close the store at the end of the day after counting all the register's profit.
I was told that the main owner and the store manager would both be informed at the fact I'm extremely underpaid for what I do and I will either A: Move to another job or B: Just be a regular cashier and stocker like they originally paid me but need me to do the current duties I'm doing.