Life, being when you love and trust yourself enough to let your logic, creativity, and passion go free.
To control oneself is destruction of oneself in that it is destruction of your relationship with yourself. Make no mistake; controlling and disciplining yourself is a sleight on an entity that does, functionally, exist. And as it would with a relationship with a person you were intimately close with, it only serves to estrange and distance that person from yourself. Eventually, these acts will create a certain sickness of the soul; I imagine this happens once you truly realize you'll never be free of your own fear and self loathing.