1. Post #41
    DeathDoom's Avatar
    September 2008
    1,103 Posts
    Have you ever had a conversation with detective Frank, or hear any conversations that people have had with him, whether in character or out of character? How long has he been at the hotel? It would be interesting to hear more about this guy.

  2. Post #42
    Oh shit Poop Lady was trying to summon Nurgle

    get the Inquisition in here, pronto

    Edited:

    Heheh, oh shit
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  3. Post #43
    Krinkels's Avatar
    March 2011
    3,674 Posts
    Oh shit Poop Lady was trying to summon Nurgle

    get the Inquisition in here, pronto

    Edited:

    Heheh, oh shit
    There's a Daemon named Nurgle? Hahahahahahahaha&c.
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  4. Post #44
    Konigstiger96's Avatar
    January 2009
    1,605 Posts
    There's a Daemon named Nurgle? Hahahahahahahaha&c.
    Nah, he's merely the big bad god in charge of pestilence and shit
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  5. Post #45
    Gold Member
    DrasarSalman's Avatar
    August 2009
    10,792 Posts
    Holy shit!

    Anyway, really interesting stories you have here, I'd love to hear more about the people like detective Frank.
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  6. Post #46
    Gold Member
    Kirbyfactor's Avatar
    May 2010
    12,255 Posts
    Jack is banned from the hotel for some sort of gypsy-related offense, remember?

    Detective Frank, on the other hand, only investigates a guest if they meet certain flags or patterns, and even then it's not like he rummages around through their rooms! Guest rooms with Do Not Disturb signs are private, after all. Simply put, nobody knew or had any reason to suspect that Poop Lady was perpetrating such atrocities as those we discovered after her departure.

    Didn't he take an interest in people who pay cash?

  7. Post #47
    Darkest_97's Avatar
    February 2011
    186 Posts
    Didn't he take an interest in people who pay cash?
    He couldn't just go to her room and see if she was pooping everywhere. There was no way to tell.

  8. Post #48
    Gold Member
    Cone's Avatar
    August 2011
    19,159 Posts
    so I don't understand. is Frank an actual detective with a really good disguise, a drunk hobo who thinks he's a detective and is actually really good at it, or a cop who got amnesia whilst wearing his disguise and now lurks the halls of the hotel, putting right what once went wrong?

    he sounds pretty awesome either way
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  9. Post #49
    Gold Member
    L_Dawg's Avatar
    December 2008
    2,252 Posts
    Nah, he's merely the big bad god in charge of pestilence and shit
    Well, not necessarily bad since he does take care of his followers. He's called Grandfather Nurgle after all.

  10. Post #50
    Ast_risk's Avatar
    March 2012
    1,368 Posts
    Draw Detective Frank in MS Paint, please!
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  11. Post #51
    Spirit Guide
    Big Dumb American's Avatar
    March 2009
    17,312 Posts
    Been a pretty boring day at the hotel today! Mostly just paperwork, but I did get a good laugh out of one of my guests.

    He was a big muscley black dude, super deep voice, with a pencil goatee and a crew cut. He was filling out his registration card, and I noticed that he had paused over the "vehicle information" field. A lot of guests do, because not many people actually know their license plate numbers, so I told him, "if you don't know your plate numbers, you can just put the type and color."

    He tensed up and slowly raised his head, and said in this shocked voice, "my color?!"

    "Yes sir. Of your car."

    After a second he relaxed, shook his head, and gave a little chuckle.
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  12. Post #52
    Giving Away Games
    WastedJamacan's Avatar
    December 2009
    4,128 Posts
    Oh, silly black people. When will they realize not everything is about race?
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  13. Post #53
    Spirit Guide
    Big Dumb American's Avatar
    March 2009
    17,312 Posts
    I just don't know how he could've possibly misinterepreted what I was saying, given the context!

    "If you don't know your plate number, you can just put the type of your car and the fact that you're black."
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  14. Post #54
    Gold Member
    Wealth + Taste's Avatar
    March 2011
    4,673 Posts
    I just don't know how he could've possibly misinterepreted what I was saying, given the context!

    "If you don't know your plate number, you can just put the type of your car and the fact that you're black."
    He might have just been messing with you, you never know.
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  15. Post #55
    Gold Member

    February 2005
    2,306 Posts
    Is it weird that I wish there were pictures accompanying this post?
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  16. Post #56
    Gold Member
    ScoutKing's Avatar
    May 2007
    6,421 Posts
    Yes pictures! Bring out the pictures, i am sure you have pictures of poop lady's carnage, for legal reasons.
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  17. Post #57
    Spirit Guide
    Big Dumb American's Avatar
    March 2009
    17,312 Posts
    Yeah, the desk clerk handles all the legal proceedings for the hotel, and when he walks around taking pictures of guests, nobody raises any eyebrows.

    Could you please hold for a second, sir? I've got to take a picture of you for my web blog.
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  18. Post #58
    Gold Member
    ScoutKing's Avatar
    May 2007
    6,421 Posts
    Yeah, the desk clerk handles all the legal proceedings for the hotel, and when he walks around taking pictures of guests, nobody raises any eyebrows.

    Could you please hold for a second, sir? I've got to take a picture of you for my web blog.
    Not pictures of the guests, but pictures of their destruction. You guys really didn't take any pictures or document the room poop lady stayed in for insurance purposes?

  19. Post #59
    Spirit Guide
    Big Dumb American's Avatar
    March 2009
    17,312 Posts
    No? Nothing was ruined or damaged, so we armed our crack housekeeping team with a heavy duty loadout and sent them into the fray. We had to throw out the sheets and stuff, sure, but that's built into our business model, and it's nothing we have to document. We toss or shred dozens of towels, washcloths, linens, and bits of comfort-fluffery over the course of every week just because of normal wear and tear and staining.

    The Poop-Lady's unhallowed grounds have already been back in order for several days, and there's no sign that her abominations ever even transpired anymore. We've got a guest in one of those rooms tonight, even, and I haven't gotten any calls from the new clerk yet about a customer complaining of phantom poopstink, so I guess everything's pretty much back to normal now!

    And besides, why would I be responsible for documenting legal mumbo jumbo? I may have more responsibilities and leeway in my duties than most other jobs offer, but I'm still just an entry-level desk clerk! My job is to handle all the mundane shit to the best of my abilities, and then refer the really weird shit to the managers, who can make funny faces and scratch their heads about it.
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  20. Post #60
    Gold Member

    February 2005
    2,306 Posts
    Do you have her name? Maybe you can track her down and find her website which is filled with pictures of hotel rooms that she has shit all over.
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  21. Post #61
    Giving Away Games
    WastedJamacan's Avatar
    December 2009
    4,128 Posts
    No? Nothing was ruined or damaged, so we armed our crack housekeeping team with a heavy duty loadout and sent them into the fray. We had to throw out the sheets and stuff, sure, but that's built into our business model, and it's nothing we have to document. We toss or shred dozens of towels, washcloths, linens, and bits of comfort-fluffery over the course of every week just because of normal wear and tear and staining.

    The Poop-Lady's unhallowed grounds have already been back in order for several days, and there's no sign that her abominations ever even transpired anymore. We've got a guest in one of those rooms tonight, even, and I haven't gotten any calls from the new clerk yet about a customer complaining of phantom poopstink, so I guess everything's pretty much back to normal now!

    And besides, why would I be responsible for documenting legal mumbo jumbo? I may have more responsibilities and leeway in my duties than most other jobs offer, but I'm still just an entry-level desk clerk! My job is to handle all the mundane shit to the best of my abilities, and then refer the really weird shit to the managers, who can make funny faces and scratch their heads about it.
    Oh ho ho ho!
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  22. Post #62
    Robbi's Avatar
    March 2012
    1,001 Posts
    We've got a guest in one of those rooms tonight
    Oh God, I will never be able to sleep in a hotel now that I know that there might have been a lady covering my room with feces.

    What if she does this to many hotels? There could be hundreds of rooms she... used.

    Urgh.
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  23. Post #63
    Spirit Guide
    Big Dumb American's Avatar
    March 2009
    17,312 Posts
    What, like a serial poopist?
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  24. Post #64
    Creeper's Avatar
    July 2010
    1,571 Posts
    What, like a serial poopist?
    They're everywhere.
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  25. Post #65
    Gold Member
    thrawn2787's Avatar
    April 2007
    8,700 Posts
    poop lady needs to refine her methods and poop in the vents

    that's how you get phantom poop stink days later
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  26. Post #66
    Resident Raccoon
    kaze4159's Avatar
    January 2008
    9,152 Posts
    poop lady needs to refine her methods and poop in the vents

    that's how you get phantom poop stink days later
    No, right behind the furnace
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  27. Post #67
    Gold Member
    kaine123's Avatar
    February 2010
    9,674 Posts
    Your posts are always awesome Big Dumb American.
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  28. Post #68
    Gold Member
    The Aussie's Avatar
    May 2010
    4,004 Posts
    Hey Big Dumb American, i found a hotel thread on /b/ and decided to share your stories (Relax, i didn't claim they were mine), anyway, about gypsies.


    Gypsies is usually what you call the assholes who steal EVERYTHING from the room. They'll take the ashtrays, linens, the fucking curtains, every god damn thing they can.
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  29. Post #69
    Secure, Contain, Protect.
    Zombii's Avatar
    October 2008
    8,015 Posts
    I love you BDA
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  30. Post #70
    Glod Menber
    Maximum Mod's Avatar
    June 2008
    4,518 Posts
    Now you just need to read these in your godlike narrator voice.
    This needs to be done
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  31. Post #71
    Gold Member
    GnomeMan's Avatar
    December 2009
    1,107 Posts
    This thread is rich, just plain out rich. I would love to see more stories, especially with good ol' Detective Frank.

  32. Post #72
    Gold Member
    ac/14's Avatar
    October 2005
    522 Posts
    Gypsies is usually what you call the assholes who steal EVERYTHING from the room. They'll take the ashtrays, linens, the fucking curtains, every god damn thing they can.
    Oh so its like me in skyrim
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  33. Post #73
    totally not overcompinsating for lack of size elsewhere...
    Im-Bored's Avatar
    December 2007
    491 Posts
    What, like a serial poopist?
    She probably has something like this going on. http://yppm.removed.us/index.php?vid=35
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  34. Post #74
    Gold Member
    kaine123's Avatar
    February 2010
    9,674 Posts
    God dammit I was eating chocolate ice cream.

  35. Post #75
    Gold Member
    proch's Avatar
    July 2009
    19,207 Posts
    God dammit I was eating chocolate ice cream.
    [sub]Poop lady was here.[/sub]
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  36. Post #76
    Canter's Avatar
    June 2012
    302 Posts
    She probably has something like this going on. http://yppm.removed.us/index.php?vid=35
    Reminds me of Conker's Bad Fur day, that one level where you can piss all over the other players in the bathroom.
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  37. Post #77
    Spirit Guide
    Big Dumb American's Avatar
    March 2009
    17,312 Posts
    We finally figured out what the leak in the pool was, by the way! Turns out, it WAS sewage! The room directly above the pool was a king suite with a jacuzzi bath tub, and as it so happened, the seals around the drain were bad. So, every time somebody took a bath in that room, most of the dirty bath water drained directly into the pool through the ceiling tiles. It's fixed now, but a word to the wise consumer: if large amounts of water are draining through the ceiling, it's probably not something you should let your kids play in.

    Edited:

    I just had a veteran come through with one leg and the shakes so bad he couldn't fill out his own registration card. He was vacationing with his kids. I knocked the rate down an extra fifteen bucks, on top of his military discount. The guy just tugged my heart strings. I always look for the maximum discount possible for the friendly customers!

    Tonight, I'll write about the housekeeping staff. They're an interesting bunch all their own.

    As far as Detective Frank goes, he's still on the case! He's been watching a couple of rooms for the past few days, but there haven't been any interesting developments yet! I don't much about Frank outside of his undercover assignment. I suppose the "secret identity" thing works both ways? I know he's a police officer, and I know his real name, but all I've heard about his work with us are hand-me-down stories from an occasional small-time bust, with the exception of that one big one!

    I keep hoping something really cool will go down, like a guest on PCP running through the halls naked, so I can give Frank a call for some Frank-style justice.

    Also, a parting thought: every time I enter a guest's room for any reason, I have to knock and announce myself. When there's no answer, a small part of me worries I'm gonna walk in and find the guest dead in the bathtub. I should have never read The Shining.
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  38. Post #78
    Gold Member
    Lukeo's Avatar
    October 2006
    7,349 Posts
    On the note of The Shining, make sure you don't make out with naked hot chicks in the bathroom because it'll actually be a decomposing old lady
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  39. Post #79
    Spirit Guide
    Big Dumb American's Avatar
    March 2009
    17,312 Posts
    The unfaithful movie adaptation was both dumb and offensive, so I'll make out with any naked dead chicks I please, thank you very much.
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  40. Post #80
    Gold Member
    Lukeo's Avatar
    October 2006
    7,349 Posts
    Well I think we know what your next story is about
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