1. Post #1
    I JUST WANT A CUSTOM TITLE FUCK YOU ALL
    Chubbles's Avatar
    December 2010
    2,471 Posts
    So I've seen a couple of these threads before (i.e. Ask a janitor anything, ask a douche bag anything, etc.) and I wasn't sure if you'd all find the life and times of a Chinese Restaurant Delivery driver of any interest. My job has been caboodles of funsies. It's been pretty insane at times, and I've been doing it for about 2 years now. I pack the food in the bags, I drive the food to the homes.

    Just some general information about me really quickly.

    I'm 19. I'm not Chinese.

    (User was banned for this post ("Wrong section" - Craptasket))
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  2. Post #2
    Frog Member
    C0linSSX's Avatar
    February 2008
    2,568 Posts
    How many people who order the food are actually Chinese?
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  3. Post #3
    I JUST WANT A CUSTOM TITLE FUCK YOU ALL
    Chubbles's Avatar
    December 2010
    2,471 Posts
    How many people who order the food are actually Chinese?
    I've only ever delivered to 1 Chinese person ever.


    And I've only ever seen a couple Chinese people actually come into the restaurant.
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  4. Post #4
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  5. Post #5
    Go Shuya! You can do it Shuya!
    redback3's Avatar
    December 2005
    5,663 Posts
    Has delivering chinese ever lead you into some funny/sticky (:3) situations? Tell us some!
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  6. Post #6
    Gold Member
    KlaseR's Avatar
    December 2007
    3,834 Posts
    Do you deliver cats?
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  7. Post #7
    I JUST WANT A CUSTOM TITLE FUCK YOU ALL
    Chubbles's Avatar
    December 2010
    2,471 Posts
    Strangest delivery ever.
    Okay, so I was delivering to a house on a back road which is nothing strange usually; they are usually the ones that tip the most anyway. But I just finished trekking their half-mile long gravel drive way to eventually arrive at the house when the man was standing out there waiting for me. Staring me down. It was a little offsetting. I get out and say the typical "Hey! How's it going?" He told me he was fine and I noticed he had a Harley repair garage right next to his home. I commented on it saying "Oh wow, do you repair Harleys in your spare time?"


    Big mistake.


    He looked at me and asked me to come inside. I insisted that I had more deliveries I had to tend to, but he told me he needed to sign the receipt inside. So I awkwardly followed him in to his home where he took me all the way to the back of his house. I passed a dark room where all I could see were a group of about 6 or 7 people smoking blunts. He then took me deep into his basement. I was frightened at this point, because my senior year of high school for drama class, I wrote a script about a delivery driver being taken captive and held for weeks on end in the killer's home. But I was in the basement and saw a glorious room. It had a completely lit bar and black lights and it was filled with Harley Motorcycle parts everywhere. There was tons of smoke and he yelled to (I'm assuming) his wife "COME TIP THE BOY!"

    Out comes an old-ass lady, topless, saggy-ass tits and pays me a ten dollar tip with all One dollar bills. He then starts telling me all about the walls and the stuff in the room. After about 5 mins, I told him I had to get going, so on my way out, I'm about to reach the door, but their cat walks in front of me and sits down in front of the door. Stares me in the eyes.

    I try to walk around it and it hisses. The man yells "EY YUH PUSSY. GET OUT YUH LIL NIGGER."

    I fucking ran to my car.
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  8. Post #8
    ultimate poster
    Itachi_Crow's Avatar
    November 2007
    13,562 Posts
    do you eat your place's chinese and if so how bad is the following diarrhea
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  9. Post #9
    Gold Member
    borisvdb's Avatar
    July 2007
    2,337 Posts
    Does traditional Chinese food contain MSG as well?
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  10. Post #10
    So are you african american?
    Or if not american... Well... Of african descent?
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  11. Post #11
    I JUST WANT A CUSTOM TITLE FUCK YOU ALL
    Chubbles's Avatar
    December 2010
    2,471 Posts
    Has delivering chinese ever lead you into some funny/sticky (:3) situations? Tell us some!
    When you don't know where shit is, and it's not in your GPS doesn't know where the fuck the place is, you get lost. I've gotten extremely lost twice. One time, the place ended up being down the road, 5 mins away, but my GPS took me an hour and a half away to a town I've never been to. Ended up taking me to an abandoned house that looked haunted. It's roof was sagging in and its wood was rotting away. Pissed me off, not to mention the customer was fucking pissed.

    I've delivered to a stripped a couple times. You can only imagine what happened.... ;)
       I got paid with all one dollar bills   

    And I've delivered to a bunch of drunk/high people. It's not uncommon.


    The worst of all though is when I was speeding through a pretty classy neighborhood by about 30 mph over the speed limit because someone forgot to pack one of the entrees for these people so I had to rush back as fast as possible. There were NO CHILDREN OUT IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. But on my way out of the neighborhood, a man walks into the middle road with a baseball bat and holds it up and points at me. His face had a fury of 1000 suns burning. He made me roll down my window and I was literally pissing me pants and he yelled "What the FUCK do you think you're doing?" And he went on to ask why I was speeding and how his children were out to play and I could have killed them. He was threatening to bash my car (which I should have done, because I could have won with assault charges). But that's scared me more than anything else.


    Do you deliver cats?
    If only :/

    Edited:

    do you eat your place's chinese and if so how bad is the following diarrhea
    We actually serve the best Chinese food in my town (in my opinion). I eat it quite often. And you know it's good when I don't have any diarrhea afterwards. :)

    Does traditional Chinese food contain MSG as well?
    Ours contains no MSG! No getting addicted to our Chinese tonight, my friend!

    So are you african american?
    Or if not american... Well... Of african descent?
    I tell everyone I'm black. But it's hard to look past my hard, white outer shell.
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  12. Post #12
    Gold Member
    BananaFoam's Avatar
    January 2010
    4,871 Posts
    You know what's awesome?

    The Chinese Place I go to is actually owned by actual Chinese people. It's a family run business and they make damn good food.

    Honestly, it's weird, Chinese food is considered the bottom-of-the-barrel cheap food stuff (much akin to, say, Ramen noodles. The ultimate "bachelor" food) but it tastes so damn good.
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  13. Post #13
    have you ever screwed a mlif while her husband isn't home?
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  14. Post #14
    Gold Member
    POLOPOZOZO's Avatar
    May 2006
    14,950 Posts
    Chinese food tastes exactly the same everywhere which leads me to believe there is one supplier of everything that all the restaurants go to. Is this true and do you have a name?
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  15. Post #15
    I JUST WANT A CUSTOM TITLE FUCK YOU ALL
    Chubbles's Avatar
    December 2010
    2,471 Posts
    You know what's awesome?

    The Chinese Place I go to is actually owned by actual Chinese people. It's a family run business and they make damn good food.

    Honestly, it's weird, Chinese food is considered the bottom-of-the-barrel cheap food stuff (much akin to, say, Ramen noodles. The ultimate "bachelor" food) but it tastes so damn good.
    Ours is actually family owned as well!

    Mary and Jerry own it. Their real chinese names are Meiling Dong and Ju Dong.

    But yeah, it's fucking delicious.


    have you ever screwed a mlif while her husband isn't home?
    Dude, I've gotten so close. Ughhh.

    She was smokin' hot. Had two daughters. No man in sight. She was like talking to me all sexily and I was getting kind of nervous, and I was like. "WTF. This is so weird." And since I don't actually think anything like that happens in real life, I began to walk away when she paid me, and she said to me "Your hair is really cool." And she winked. But she closed the door.


    urgnugnrgg.
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  16. Post #16
    Gold Member
    quacles's Avatar
    December 2006
    940 Posts
    Can you deliver some soup to my house?
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  17. Post #17
    I JUST WANT A CUSTOM TITLE FUCK YOU ALL
    Chubbles's Avatar
    December 2010
    2,471 Posts
    Chinese food tastes exactly the same everywhere which leads me to believe there is one supplier of everything that all the restaurants go to. Is this true and do you have a name?
    Our restaurant's name is Chopsticks. And that is not true because all of our food is hand-made (Other than the fortune cookies of course). That's why it's so amazing.
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  18. Post #18
    Ive only had chinese in tye usa from panda express but chinese in england tastes really bland. And chinese people ran the shop
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  19. Post #19
    I JUST WANT A CUSTOM TITLE FUCK YOU ALL
    Chubbles's Avatar
    December 2010
    2,471 Posts
    Can you deliver some soup to my house?
    Hot & Sour, Egg drop, or Wonton?

    Edited:

    Ive only had chinese in tye usa from panda express but chinese in england tastes really bland. And chinese people ran the shop
    Panda Express tastes terrible and it's ridiculously over-priced. Our restaurant is run by chinese people as well, as stated above somewhere. The chef is chinese too. But I'll tell you guys a little secret. Every chinese place you will ever go to has a Mexican (and yes specifically Mexican) fry cook.
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  20. Post #20
    Gold Member
    Trumple's Avatar
    September 2009
    6,239 Posts
    Could you please deliver one portion of spring rolls





    Ok no but in all seriousness, have you ever had a customer who refuses to pay? What did you do?
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  21. Post #21
    Gold Member
    quacles's Avatar
    December 2006
    940 Posts
    Wonton, please.
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