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Post #321
I say you overthrow the fortress hierarchy and lock all the dwarves in their rooms with one dwarf controlling a mass of levers that can immolate any said dwarf at any time you like, along with military dwarves patrolling the hallway so none may escape.
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And then let a gremin into the lever room and watch the real fun happen.
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If you're going to make a pumpstack, please read this.
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I suppose It wouldn't be fun as everyone Is expecting, progress Is quite slow 'round here with the fortress...
But prepare yourselves for dead dorfs, I can guarantee this.
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You might be interested to know you have 5 days left.
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Things are starting to look grim..
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Clearly he got so absorbed in thinking like a dwarf that it seeped in to real life and he is currently in a hole on some desert island sitting atop a mound of crudely carved trinkets creating his master plan for pumping the lava at the centre of the earth in to a glorious fountain that will envelop everything.
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If this falls apart I will take the save file again if that is ok
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It's alright with me. Moving on tomorrow if I don't get a reply.
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I'm next.
Is this a good thing or abadfun thing?
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Haha... good luck.
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Looks like you're up, DeathDoom. You'll find the save on the previous page, wally posted it.
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Okay, got it.
Here we go...
Edited:
243 citizens what the fuck guys i'm supposed to be able to run the damn game
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and so DeathDoom's computer exploded
he was never seen on Facepunch again
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If it's too big an issue, you could always do things like lower the GFPS and turn off temperature (maybe, it hasn't been too involved in the past, but if you bring out any lava/magma, you'll need it on).
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You could give the surgeons something to practice on.
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Issue with the fort is that the child cap does not work. I set it to 30 during my turn IIRC, and they still kept coming, even though they exceeded it
Also, not got any gobbos or the like afaik, we should have been sieged by year 3, if not year 2.
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Hmm...
Edited:
I think I got this.
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Arrival Update:
9th Granite, 257
My name is Dotep Rashibesh, colloquially known as DeathDoom. I am a farmer by trade, but my true skill lies within my tongue. As such, I figured that I should keep a journal of my exploits from this point forward, as I have just received most fortunate news: I’ve been chosen to oversee a most prosperous fortress, located many days travel away! I don’t know much about this place, called Treatywhispers, but I figured that it can’t be worse than here!
Where I currently reside is so desperate that it is currently being run by the son of the previous overseer. Apparently, no one other than me is bothered by the fact that the varmint is FUCKING NINE YEARS OLD. That’s another thing about me: I fucking hate children. With a burning passion. They just run around the fort, clog up the hallways, eat our food, and run around naked.
What’s worse is that I’m convinced that the brutes are out to get me. A week ago I woke up to the unpleasant feeling of drowning. I’m not sure how all of that water got into my room, but I’m pretty sure a group of them got their hands on a bucket and decided to occupy their time attempting to teach me how to swim.
But enough about children. I’m getting away from this dump at long last!
19th Granite, 257
After much travel, I finally arrived at my new home. As I tried to find my way to my office, I brushed passed a rather large group of children. I didn’t think much of it at first. It wasn’t until the bookkeeper handed me the list of current residents that I realized something was very, very wrong.
That was just the tip of the iceberg. I lack the words to describe what I felt when I came across this, so I shall use the words of a certain dwarf who, in a fictional account, found himself in similar circumstances to mine.
What
The
Fuck.
20th Granite, 257
A foreman just burst into my office in the middle of breakfast and impatiently asked me what he was to do next. I asked him his profession and he just replied, “Crafter Stone”.
I don’t know what imbecile was in charge of naming professions, but I’ve changed everything and sent out an APB on the description of the dwarf who was in charge of naming.
I’ve also noticed that the local dwarves were still using their birthnames in all accounts. Since, of course, this is very impractical, I have ordered that all dwarves over the age of twelve pick new names for themselves to more easily distinguish them from each other. The children I named myself.
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I would love to play a succession game, but I have a feeling I would just screw up everything, you know, not do anything important, screw up the fortress completely, and of course forget to do the reports. So I'll just stay away.
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Dont be worried about screwing up.
The worst you can do is not change too much stuff
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Screwing up is the best possible thing that can happen in a dwarf fortress game.
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I still say we see how we can weaponise children.
I wonder if we can use DT to make a child army.
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Don't worry, I already have a plan that involves weapons and children.
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Can we use them as catapult ammo
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I'm looking through Dwarf Therapist and I realized that someone turned on hauling labors for all of the children at some point.
Hrm...
Anyways, update imminent.
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Well we had to put those damned children to work SOMEHOW.
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food
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Spring Report
25th Granite, 257
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK WHAT’S GOING ON I JUST GOT HERE I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS SHIT
26th Granite, 257
Scouts are reporting that the beast is in fact trapped in a remote section of the cavern and cannot, in fact, reach us. As a result, I’ve put off any plans involving the underground until we have a competent army.
2nd Slate, 257
Terminutter has been possesed by an unknown force. Right now, he’s running around the fort gathering random materials, muttering to himself. Whatever, I’ve ordered my assistant to keep an eye on him and to notify me when he starts killing people.
7th Slate, 257
A female dwarf approached me today to report a missing person. Her son had been missing for a week and she was getting worried. I told her that he was fine, just probably got lost or something. She pleaded with me to send out a search party but I figured that that would just interrupt work on my new project. It’s for the children, after all, so it takes precedent.
8th Slate, 257
I’ve been reading my past entries and I’ve discovered that I mentioned a project I had set in motion and had failed to journal it! Well, you see, I’m building a child daycare, so that we don’t have children running around the fortress everywhere clogging up the halls, but rather have them all contained in a safe environment where they can grow and learn! I’m sure the little angels will be absolutely thrilled once it’s completed!
10th Slate, 257
Good news everyone! Terminutter has apparently been working on a legendary artifact for the past week.
Bad news: It’s a grate.
11th Slate, 257
Someone finally found the missing child. Apparently, he died in his sleep, as he was found dead in his room. Some of the doctors are curious as to how exactly he died, but I’ve ordered that the body be entombed immediately. The last thing we need is a bunch of dwarfs tantruming over the decay of their “precious” child. Whatever, one less mouth to feed, as it were.
20th Slate, 257
Dammit, another one popped into my office this afternoon. Said her “precious little princess” hadn’t been seen in a week. I said that she should stop referring to her children in such an elven manner and sent her on her way.
28th Slate, 257
THOSE BASTARDS. THEY TOLD ME I WOULD BE IN CHARGE HERE. No one said anything about the King coming over and taking command! Why would this even happen? This is supposed to be MY fort.
Mark my words, one day very soon he’ll “die” and his fucking son or daughter or favorite goat will take over as monarch OVER THE WHOLE DAMN KINGDOM, just like what happened at my previous residence. Fucking hell.
29th Slate, 257
I had a talk with the King. He’s been so impressed with my work here that he’s willing to keep me as his overseer, provided that I heed his royal words and manufacture dragon dildos at his command. I’m paraphrasing, but that’s the gist of what’s going to happen.
2nd Felsite, 257
Remember that child that went missing two weeks ago? They found her too, just like the last one: dead in her sleep. People are starting to get worried but I just wrote it off as a weird coincidence and ordered the body buried post-haste.
15th Felsite, 257
Another one went missing last night. This time a dwarf staggered in sober and explained, and I quote, his “work boy hadn’t reported to work in a week.”
I’m pretty sure that there’s child labor laws against this sort of thing, but hey, the poor dwarf’s sober, what can you do? I just told him not to worry, and jokingly told him that the body will show up in a week. He chuckled, hiccuped, and staggered back out of the room.
22nd Felsite, 257
It’s like clockwork now, they actually found the body of the child. Just like the other ones, he was asleep in his bed. A group of doctors came into my office to deliver the news, and they told me that they had performed an autopsy on the body without my knowledge and discovered that the body had been completely drained of blood. I chastised them for what they did, and ordered the body buried immediately.
23rd Felsite, 257
There are rumors spreading in the fortress that there’s a vampire in the fortress, and they he preys on small children fast asleep in their beds in the night, no doubt as a result of the recent deaths. Of course, such talk is nonsense and is pure fiction. Vampires do not, after all exist. However, such superstitious talk still persists. I’ve sent out an order stating that anyone caught mentioning the word “vampire” shall be severely punished.
25th Felsite, 257
Another dead dwarf, this time an able-bodied adult Farmdwarf. The doctors tell me that he was, like the last one, drained of blood. This is not helping the pesky vampire rumors terrorizing the fort. Something has to be done that will put the minds of the dwarfs to rest. I’m at a loss for ideas right now. Maybe-
Player’s Note:
Hilarious things are happening. Not hilarious as in what the fuck everyone is dying, but hilarious like wow I can’t believe that actually just happened. Probably won’t get to it until Autumn report, though.
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Goes from being a fort for outcasts from the dwarven kingdom to being the mountainhome itself!
Please use the noble trap as soon as the king makes any demands, it's efficient and discrete!
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Wow thats a very active vampire. Or is it two? Only one way to be sure!
Magma.
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Do I win the award for most shitty artifact 2012?
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Summer Report
19th Hematite, 257
Scouts are again reporting another forgotten beast in the underground, as if we didn’t have enough to worry about. Fortunately, he seems to be in an isolated area, just like the last one. So now we have two bloodthirsty cretins running around down there. Great!
25th Hemitite, 257
Another dwarf child has been found dead, blood intact this time. What a waste...
3rd Malachite, 257
Progress at the fort is slow.
I’ve expanded the army to include 29 regulars. As it turns out, all of the dwarfs who arrived with the king are extremely skilled combatants. As a result, I’ve ordered my metalsmiths to work overtime creating iron armor for everyone.
The child daycare center is coming along smoothly, but slowly. We seem to be at a shortage of mechanisms, so I’ve had to expand our production facilities for them. I suspect that it will be fully operational sometime during late Autumn.
For the most part I’ve been letting the fort run itself. I’ve ordered that clothes be made en masse, since I’ve noticed that everyone around here seems content to walk around in rags. I’ve also expanded our burial facilities in light of the recent deaths.
Perhaps after the daycare is built, things at this fort will run a little faster, as it were. Hrmphrmrmmm...
12th Malachite, 257
One of our dwarfs have been possessed. Again. This time it was a farmer. He was going to plant some seeds when he just stopped what he was doing, threw his seeds into the air, and started running through the halls, flailing his arms screaming “WOOD PLEASE” at the top of his lungs. As he ran past the king, he immediately stopped, stared right into his eyes, and shouted “ALL HAIL - KING OF THE LOSERS.” When he said that, it sounded like many dwarfs were saying it all at once. Then, he turned and ran off on his merry way.
22nd Malachite, 257
He finished making whatever he was making.
Oh look a scepter. I’m sure the king will be pleased.
Attatched to the report is a torn, wrinkled, handwritten note. The handwriting is immaculate and suggests it was written by a dwarf in a position of nobility or a skilled craftsman.
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Hey age of empires 2 reference in there, nice.
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Now I have to go play that game again
Time to gather some friends
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So was that the end of DeathDoom's turn? If it was, great way to end it.
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Autumn Report
2nd Limestone, 257
The fall season has started with another death. A child has been found dead in his room, just like all of the previous deaths. Once again, the doctors claim that he was devoid of blood, and the “vampire” rumors continue to run rampant. I think I know how I can fix this, though...
21st Limestone, 257
Another death! This time, I saw the vampire suck the life out of the poor fellow!
England shall be punished with all due haste, sentenced to death for the string of crimes which he has committed over the past months. However, he’s since vanished and is still at large. I’ve sent out an APB and trust that he will soon be apprehended.
5th Sandstone, 257
Another dwarf has died today, a soldier this time. No blood. He was probably killed trying to apprehend the suspect. I’ve stepped up the patrols around the fort and readied the execution chamber when we do catch him.
12th Sandstone, 257
England has been arrested today. He was found cowering in the crypts, the sick bastard. There’s no telling what sort of horrors he had planned to do or had already carried out upon the dead. I’ve ordered his execution to take place next week, and I intend on making it public so that everyone can see and we can all put this vampire business behind us.
19th Sandstone, 257
23rd Sandstone, 257
There has been an attempt on my life this morning. My hands are shaking with anger as I write this. I was going to the underground river in order to fetch some water, when I noticed that there was a dwarf following me. I thought nothing of it, until he deconstructed the platform adjacent to the one that I was standing on, so that I tumbled into the water! Luckily, I can handle myself underwater and, even more fortunately, I’m certain that I saw my would-be assassin fall into the water himself, drowning no doubt. Even though I know that he is dead, I cannot help but feel as if I am trapped underneath a blanket of ill-wishes. I will have to be more careful from now on. It’s just a hunch, but I have a feeling that the children are behind it all. I cannot wait until the day that the new daycare opens. I hear it won’t be long now...
The rest of the report has been ripped off
Attatched to the report is another dishevelled piece of paper that has dates with notes scribbled under them
-and he’s struck again. The vampire, he killed another child, this one he called “Idlefuck”. I do not know the child’s real name, as he’s changed all of the children’s names and ordered their old names be forgotten. I’ve had one witness come to me today already, but no doubt there are more who have witnessed the killing who are afraid to come forward.
I’m not sure what I’ll do about this. DeathDoom is in a position of great power, and I have a feeling if we try to report it to anybody, he’ll just have us all killed.
There’s got to be some way to get rid of him. Perhaps using his own dastardly inventions against him?
23rd Limestone
The military was going around the fort yesterday looking for the dwarf called England. He’s been accused of the murder of “Idlefuck”. I couldn’t believe it at first, until I learned that the witness was none other than DeathDoom himself. It appears that he’s trying to frame an innocent dwarf to get the fortress to calm down over the whole vampire debacle and draw attention away from himself. I will have none of this! I have to find England before the military does.
24th Limestone
I found England alive! He was just wandering the halls completely oblivious to the danger that faced him. I told him about what happened and told him to hide in the burial hall. I’m certain he will be safe there.
5th Sandstone
Three witness came to me today saying that they saw DeathDoom kill a soldier in his sleep! It happened in the middle of the hospital with everyone around. It seems that he’s having a hard time containing himself. Well, that or he’s looking for an excuse to step up the search for England. Word is he still hasn’t found him.
Godspeed England.
12th Sandstone
They found England.
19th Sandstone
They killed England
20th Sandstone
This is certainly quite a discovery.
I’ve been looking over some of the records of the dwarven kingdom that the king brought with him for the past few days trying to find something on DeathDoom. That’s when I noticed something peculiar: I couldn’t find anything. Absolutely nothing at all, it was like DeathDoom didn’t exist. I thought that I had hit a dead end until I looked at the records at the end of the year 256.
He died.
But that wasn’t all, reports say that he was killed while en route to some dwarven fortress off in some place. The specifics were redacted, but from what I could gather he was to be the overseer when the year 257 came around. It didn’t sound important until I read his autopsy. He had some puncture wounds on his neck that the coroner thought was consistent with stab wounds and, curiously, all of his blood was gone.
Suddenly it all made sense. The real DeathDoom, who was going to be our overseer, was killed by a dwarven vampire who then assumed DeathDoom’s identity. He had everything he needed: the papers, the clothes, and most importantly, the social skills needed to pull such an endeavor off. Once instated as overseer, he made subtle changes to the fortress records to confuse any such attempts as this. Of course, all of that was for naught once the king arrived with his official records.
Even better, I think I found the name of the vampire who killed him: Rashibesh Akmamdakas Zeg. That’s his real name, although I suspect that he’s been living under various aliases ever since he was cursed as a vampire. Where he came from before he arrived here, however, remains a mystery.
23rd Sandstone
I’ve gathered a small group of followers in the wake of the past events. Hopefully we will grow in number, but that isn’t as important now as it once was. We finally have a plan. It’s simple, we kill the vampire. I’ve had a platform built over the underground river. It’s attached to another platform which, when deconstructed, will cause the first platform to tumble into the river along with anybody who is standing on it.
Now, all we need is a way to get him to stand on it...
24th Sandstone
IT. DID NOT. WORK.
It was all going just swimmingly up until the part where the platform deconstructed. From there, I was thrown into the water along with the beast. I can’t swim! I was trying my damndest not to drown, and nearly did, until by some miracle of nature I felt my hand on something - it was the edge of the water! From there I climbed out and expected to see a dead vampire wash up at the end of the river, but alas! He wasn’t dead! I’m not sure what, exactly, went wrong, but we’re going to have to use something bigger and better...
25th Sandstone
Vampires cannot drown.
Well fuck.
Edited:
Winter Report
1st Moonstone, 257
They’re watching me. The children.
I think that they know. Know what? I don’t know, but they’re looking out for me. They’re watching with their beady eyes and empty stares. Then they scamper off to where every they go.
But their reckoning will come.
Soon.
11th Moonstone, 257
I tripped.
I tripped over a single stone that should have been hauled away weeks ago. The children were watching and I tripped. I TRIPPED. How am I supposed to maintain an illusion of power if I go around TRIPPING.
DO YOU SEE THIS KATSLET?! I HOPE YOU’RE PAYING ATTENTION BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LET FERTILITY RUN RAMPANT IN DWARVEN SOCIETY. Children happen. THEY’RE LIKE RATS. No, worse - FLIES.
15th Moonstone, 257
It’s not just the children anymore. The citizens, they don’t trust me. They think that I’m incompetent. Work isn’t getting done, things are moving too slow - because of the children. Once I deal with the children I’m sure things will be better.
Right Katslet?
21st Moonstone, 257
IT IS COMPLETE.
DWARVEN CHILDCARE AT ITS FINEST.
1st Opal, 257
A new month. Opal.
I like opal.
But not as much as I like cinnabar.
What was I writing again?
Oh right.
5th Cinnabar, 257
You know what else I like? Cats.
7th Obsidian, 108
I was born today.
13st Catstone, 9313
HOW AM I FAT IF I NEVER EAT FOOD, HMM?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT AS IT WERE.
YOU KNOE WY I NEV’R EAT?? NIETHER DO EYE.
The rest of the report is completely illegible
Two more reports are attatched. The first one is merely notes scribbled under dates
13th Moonstone: He’s going insane. Tell Worm that we absolutely must have the military on board before next month. I asked the mechdwarfs what he was working on but they have no clue. All they know is that it involves gratuitous amounts of iron spears
20th Moonstone: Unveiling is tomorrow, make sure that the captain of the guard knows what to do, and double check that the payment got through to the militia commander.
21st Moonstone: Blood. Everywhere. Most of the children have been killed along with a few workmen who were unlucky enough to be caught in the room when it was engaged.
The second report is much more formal, and the handwriting reflects that
22nd Moonstone, 257
My name is Iden Ducimmisten, otherwise known as Worm. I am the bookkeeper, and, in the meantime, interim Overseer until we can procure another one from the mountainhomes. For now, this shall be both my journal and official account to be submitted to whatever authority requires it.
Since we’re in the precarious position of being the capital, I’ve asked the king what we should do, but he merely grunted and commented that he had to be somewhere else. Useless nobles. I myself could be considered a noble, but I at least do a useful task for the fortress and demand little in return other than a quiet place to do my work.
Today is a momentous occasion. Rashibesh Akmamdakas Zeg, the vampire who had been running this fortress for the past year has been detained and sent into the blender. That’s what we call it, by the way, the contraption that he’s spent all year building. He refers to it by all accounts as a child “daycare”, but it’s little more than a small room fitted with spikes everywhere. Around 50 children were killed before the citizens of this fortress overcame and arrested the vampire. He was thrown into his own contraption, and there he languishes in chains until he falls in a spike and dies. He was given a fountain pen and papyrus so that he may write for our own amusement, as he is on the verge of going mad. While he doesn’t show it, we all know it.
I suppose I should mention that I’ve been trying to send for help from the mountainhomes with various notes added to the reports that were sent back, but nothing came. We had to take matters into our own hands and we did.
I will use this journal to record all notable events until I am relieved of my position.
5th Opal, 257
A dwarf has began a mysterious construction!
11th Opal, 257
As a result of all of the children’s deaths in the blender, many dwarfs are tantruming. It hasn’t gotten out of control, but it’s certainly a problem.
15th Opal, 257
Hairybasements has completed his artifact.
1st Obsidian, 257
One of the surviving children has gone berserk, lashing out at everyone in sight! The militia had to be called into action to put the poor fellow down.
17th Obsidian, 257
I received news this morning that a new overseer is to arrive at Treatywhispers soon to replace me. As such, I find it prudent to produce the following statistics.
Funny x 3
Agree x 1
Informative x 1
Friendly x 1
Winner x 1
Disagree x 1