Someone dugg my story and you can too!
http://digg.com/comedy/This_is_what_...Oblivion_drunk

It was Friday night in Tokyo and I had just come back from some lame club. Since I’m 20 and the drinking age in Japan is 20, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to equate this to me being royally housed.

But apparently I was much drunker than I remembered…or didn’t remember. A few days after this heavy night of drinking, I clicked on Oblivion eager to play. But then a message popped up stating “Insert Oblivion disc into drive.” I was confused; I never took the Oblivion disc out since the last time I played it. Or did I?

As I removed my Radiohead DVD and put the Oblivion disc in, the gears started turning. Did I play Oblivion without me knowing so? When I loaded up the files and saw what was there, the answer was yes.

But it goes further than that.

I am a monster!



The first thing I notice is the gap between my previous files and these two mysterious saves. Almost four hours! What the fuck was I doing? I must’ve been a lot drunker than I thought not to have remembered playing four hours. Guess that explains why I woke up the next morning with no recollection of falling asleep in the first place.

The Great Hall? I don’t even know where that is. Let’s see what’s going on.



Okay, well, things look pretty normal here. I’m in some castle. I guess I must’ve picked up something that detects life.

Then I turn around.



Uh…nothing is picking up life here. Just recently I became kind of bored with being super powerful and all and started to level up on things like hand to hand just so I could go to the arena and punch minotaur lords in the FACE! But I didn’t think I’d be killing people instead! Maybe I notched the difficulty laughably low…



Well, it’s not what I usually play at (3/4’s) but it’s still a little bit less than half, which I guess is pretty decent for a blacked out drunk. I probably was using some kick ass weapon.



What the fcuk? Okay…apparently I used a sigil stone I had sitting around, enchanted this sword I picked up, and drunkenly named it “fcuk you UP!” How appropriate. And what the hell am I wearing? I’m a level 36 character but I look like a reject from the movie A Dungeon Siege Tale. Maybe I got some good armor and shit on…



I am a master in light armor, so it makes perfect sense that, besides the stolen “Bands of Kwang Lao” (which adds 25 Hand to Hand points, really helpful while brandishing a sword), everything else is heavy armor. It also seems like I’ve stolen a bunch of jewelry from somewhere. Uh-oh. My inventory is full of Blades equipment…



I am in Bruma. I have no active quests here at all so why am I here? Apparently to kill a shit load of people. Dead guards and citizens are everywhere and it astounds me why I just didn’t equip some of their fallen armor. Did I spare any guards?



Looks like I WHAT THE FUCK. 99757 coins?! How…in the hell? What did I do, rape all of Bruma? Considering I’m this far in, I kill a few guards and escape to a place that should welcome me with warm arms…



…except the warm arms have been sliced off and shoved up their respective owners’ asses. After exploring Cloud Temple Ruler, I discover I’ve killed EVERY SINGLE BLADE there. Every last one. I even killed the horses.



“What have I done?” I ask to myself. With that, I open up my “Accomplishments” tab to check my evil doings:



Well, 166 murders, that doesn’t seem that horrific. Let me save and load a good file, one I fortunately saved before going on a pillage that would make a Viking tear.



35 murders! That’s it? Doesn’t seem like that many more…wait…that’s 131 murders in four hours . And I’ve completed the entire Dark Brotherhood quests.

In 4 four hours, for a guy that’s leveled his character through ninety hours already, I managed to:

Murder 131 people
Assault 65 people
Steal 198 items
Build up a bounty of 99575 coins
Build up an infamy of 140 points
Steal 1 horse (though they don’t account for horse murders)

All this accomplished from a guy running around on moderate difficulty with equipped armor that goes against my armor skills while being black out drunk.

Fuck…

The damage has been done

After loading back the drunk files, I start wondering where all my Knights of the Nine stuff went to. Sure, after killing two people you’re unable to equip any of its armor, but it doesn’t remove the items from your inventory. Let me check my hometown Chorrol, where I own a massive estate.



Oh God, looks like I struck here as well. Strange the town’s people are just meandering about, as if five or so dead people lying around is perfectly normal. They start conversing about mudcrabs. I check my estate and my armor is nowhere to be found. The gears start turning again. I can only think of one other place where my armor would be and that’s in the Imperial City, the heart of the Tamriel.

And it seems that the Nine have shat on the entire city.





And despite the piles of bodies as if the gates of Oblivion had opened up, killed all of these people, and left because even they thought what they did was fucked up, there’s still people meandering the streets, walking between corpses without a care in the world.





And yes, that torch was still burning when I got there.

I have no idea what happened here.



I will not die a monster!

After killing a dozen or so guards to get to my shanty shit hole (seriously, out of all the fucking houses in the Imperial City, why can you only buy a house that the three little fucking pigs would laugh at?) I found my actual useful armor in one chest. Now I decided to throw in the towel and serve my time. First, I decide to drop all of the items I stole.



I have no idea where I got any of these things from especially where I managed to acquire 49 bottles Surilie Brother’s finest (I wonder how it would taste in real life). Hmm. Perhaps this is the reason I dumped all my armor so I can go around carrying an entire wine cellar and a bakery in my pockets.

So I finally resisted the resisting arrest and got thrown in. After breaking out, I decided I should really stop and serve my time. When I got out, I checked how many days I was in the slammer.



And then loaded the sober file.



DEAR FUCKING GOODNESS. After playing through 90 hours, I’ve only managed to get through 203 days in the game. I was in jail for over five times than that! If I wanted to get through that many days, I would, lets see, have to play for 565 hours.

Fcuk…

In the end, I was horrified by all my acts, decided to repent, and walk the Way of the Nines to get my Knights armor back…haha, fuck that I’m just going to start from the sober files. But seriously, I regret killing every person in my blacked out rage.

Except this guy.





The End

A one man killing spree.. Do you need someone to clean your blade?

holy shit

oh shit this is epic

nice work.

This is awesome, you should get wasted and do it again.

This makes me want to play Oblivion.

Adoring fan fucking deserved it. He's one creepy motherfucker.

STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!

I love you.

Epic.

lol @ the last screen

I doubt you were black out drunk when you killed the Adoring Fan, you'd have to be Black Out Drunk to let him live

Edit:

30 Funnies? It wasn't funny, I was being serious!

holy shit

Haha, that's awesome.

This really makes me want to play Oblivion again, I think in my save I never did anything like this.

Good! All i managed to do when i played oblivion was to steal all forks. I really mean ALL the forks.

oh my god THIS THREAD IS AMAZING

Hahaha your e-peen is atleast 200x bigger than mine
I applaud you sir
Well done, well done

Epic thread.

Hahaha, 1000 days in the slammer.

Fucking awesome.

Awesome shit.

Wow. Creepy.

This is the only reason I would ever get drunk.

Wow, thanks for the feedback guys!

I can't even type when I'm drunk.

I can't make love when I am drunk.

Yes, tested.

You just made my day, sir. Thank you.

*wipes tear from eye*

-edit-

:uhoh:
You monster!
Anyway awesome thread.

that was the greatest thing i've ever experienced

You should really go outside some time.

My favourite parts.

Damn that's awesome.

Oh my god, this is soo awesome...

4 hours... 995975 coin bounty... 49 bottles of Surillie Brother’s finest wine...
nothing to do... nothing to lose...
Joecool in...
DRUNK MASSACRE FOR ONE PERSON PLEASE!

Heh, I'm surprised that you only had to serve 1000 days considering what you did.

You are now more dangerous than an entire oblivion invasion. Hats off to you.

Fucking awesome, you sir are my hero.

Should do a two day drunkfest of Oblivion, see how it goes. Of course I'll be asking you to run your life.

The guy in the middle of the pic got a ninja star in his chest :excited:

I am going to do this next time I am really drunk. If I can, I will see if I can remember to record it.

The problem with this is that you really have to be so drunk that you'll have no recollection of you doing it. Even if you're really hammered you can still sorta do things that you want to do, hence ruining some of the spontaneity. However, it's also very bad to be as drunk as was. At least I got some funny trade off.

This thread is outrageously fun.

Well I was hammered on Tuesday when I did a pub crawl. I don't remember how I got home. Next time I do anything like that, I will leave a note at my computer telling me to play Oblivion.

We seriously need more threads like this on FP...

I'm not being sarcastic either, we really fucking do, it was bloody funny good read

This is amazing.

Get wasted and play it live. I need to see this.

Fucking ace! A+ to you sir.

I give you a 100.

I don't get drunk, but at some point after setting my strength to over 9000, I found myself carrying 240 or so full suits of Imperial Legion Armor.

I wasn't drunk, probably just really tired and not paying attention.

You deserve a medal, good sir.

What drinks did they have in Japan?

Basically any type of beer that you want, because they import a lot, primarily from Europe. But Japanese beers are extremely tasty. The standard brews here BLOW AWAY American comparisons. They also have sake. A lot of fucking sake.

I was really drunk off of cheap 25% alcohol sake, which costs 20 dollars for 4 liters.

That's right...four fucking liters. I must've had around...I dunno, like 10-12 shots. Add like four gin and tonics afterward and presto! I am cocked!

Oh my god i love Obivion!

Drunken Oblivion.

I've never been that drunk.
Although one time I puked for a whole day after the drinking.
But it was really bad that time. I fell around the bathroom when I tried to brush my teeth and I didn't see much

BUT I DROVE 3 KM ON MY BIKE WITHOUT ANY INCIDENT!


By the way, do Japanese people drink much? One hardly hears about asians except super capitalism in China.
I mean you guys are rather... airy... And with this 20years to drink, do people stick to that rule?
I'm just curious...

I've herd of nerd rage, but man...
DRUNK RAGE?

Haha, awesome. :4chan:

...that's gotta be the most unsuccessful joke i have ever read..


oh and if you haven't heard about drunk rage then you have to be 4 years old!

Oh my god I actually laughed about halfway down, and kept laughing throughout the rest of the post.

Fuck yeah they drink. It's very common for salarymen to gather up and go drinking after work. It's not even uncommon for them to take their bosses as well. It ties in with Japan's culture, trying not to stick out in a sense, being with everyone else, establishing social networks. And while I am 20, I have not once been asked to show ID for beer, and I've bought so much since I've been here.

Thanks, well my uncle lives in Japan and he never mentioned this so now I can pretty much guess what he does in his free time other than aikido

I Think i just found my answer...

Huh, my uncle lives in Japan too. Where does your uncle live?

And I'm sure your uncle is a decent man and drinks better shit than this. This is literally on the bottom rung of the alcohol ladder. But it's cheap and there's a lot. Gather like seven people (which we did), throw in like 300 yen and you will all be fucked out of your reasonable mind.

Incredible stuff! Have you really killed all those guards while being drunk?

Yes and I have zero memory of doing so.

Whoa, someone Digg this or something, that was epic.

I laughed at the drunken bum lying in the curb.

You'll rot in jail scum!

I was going to but someone beat me to it by an hour.

http://digg.com/comedy/This_is_what_...Oblivion_drunk

I love how you managed to murder the entire population of all the cities within four hours. :ahaw:

Diggin dat shit.

The day has arrived...I have been DUGG!

*celebrates*

Okay, let's take a look at Cyrodiil's legal system.

Punishment for 'stealing' a worthless fork and then refusing to pay the fine of 1 gold: death.

Punishment for single-handedly killing 131 people but being nice enough to turn yourself in: 3 years in jail.

time to start a contest:

Who can spend the longest amount of time in jail?

GO

This... Is awesome.

Man this makes me want to get black out drunk and play an RPG.

Damnit, I wish I still had Oblivion.

Holy Jesus and the Disciples, that's fucking badass!

A real shock to wake up to too, I assume :P

How was your hangover?

Funny story and all, but if you aren't lying about ALL of it, you are at least lying about ONE thing. This:
You say you played for 4 hours straight, but the save file skips from 332 to 337 Meaning that either you went into your documents folder and accidentally renamed it to save 337, or you went into your documents and deleted the 4 saves in between and forgot to renamed the 337 to 333 to make it look like you played for 4 hours straight..

Other than that, it is a nice story, even if it is not completely true.

Edit:

Unless I am missing something of course, if I did then I just made a complete ass out of myself.

I was a little confused by that too, but if he was drunk out of his mind then you never know if he deleted the other saves or something.

Maybe if he had the Horse Armor Pack then the horses wouldn't have died.

Awesome.