Read da first one first, son.
The Engineer sighed; his cheek firmly resting on his palm as he sat in the dark, musky chamber. Balled up sheets of failed ideas were messily strewn about the room, and the mess was ever growing as more and more papers barraged the helpless wooden floor. The Engineer knew that Mr. Hale was expecting the new items by Tuesday, and he was determined to outdo his brother, who had always outshined him since as long as his lips could form words.
“That damn spy still hasn’t come back with any information on what brother is working on. This is what I get for paying ahead I guess.” He wrapped his cut and calloused fingers tightly around the frosty, dripping beer bottle before him and took a quick swig before switching off his glistening desk lamp and departing from the messy workspace. The Engineer treaded lightly, each delicate step no louder than a feather’s. As he approached his brother’s towering shack, his face dripped heavily of anxiety. His petite, naked, gleaming, head darted back and forth like a vigilant watchdog, surveying the area for anybody still awake who might notice his bright, bald skull illuminated by the night’s shine. ‘Why are the doors open?’ he thought. ‘The lights are on too.’
Cautiously approaching the massive, ajar door, he poked his small head inside to observe the macabre sight of his brother’s entrails liberally spread across the vacant room. Carefully stepping over the bloodied corpse of a spy, Engineer approached the blood drenched table displaying the mutilated remains of his brother. The engineer gripped his stomach in pain as belches of insane laughter sprang forth from his wailing throat and echoed around the massive room. “Nice going, bro.” he giggled happily as he rummaged around the premises of the table in search for supplies or blueprints that he may steal. Eyeing a long, slender metallic arm, limply attached to the side of the table, a vivid idea sprang into his mind, causing a wide smile to absorb most of the surface of his face. With two hands firmly grasped onto the blood stained robot arm, he tugged heavily, placing one worn boot up to the desk as the arm began to slowly but surely tear off. Shielding his face with one gloved arm, a brilliant blue spark exploded out of the table as the arm was fully removed. The spark was followed suit by a wisp of smoke, gently rising out of the empty socket.
“Whelp,” The Engineer grinned with delight as he slung the slanky, snake-like arm over his shoulder, “Thanks for all the help bro.”
Back at his workspace, the Engineer worked tirelessly throughout the night programming his new metallic baby. Finally, at the crack of dawn, the baggy eyed, excitement fueled Texan placed the final few touches on his new creation with a few bursts of his welding torch, a cackle of laughter and the swift swing of a hammer. “Well.” He sighed. “Here comes the hard part.” Wrapping his shivering shoulder tightly with an oil smeared cloth and biting down firmly onto a solid, splintery hunk of wood, the Engineer leaned a sterilized, razor sharp hack saw onto his waiting arm, a small trickle of maroon dripping down as the two made contact. The engineer’s muffled cries of agony were barricaded off by the solid mass of wood as blood gently seeped from the open wound, the saw’s teeth mercilessly hacking through fragile muscle and tendon. The engineer’s mind went blank and he barely remained conscious through the remainder of the operation. His arm fully dismembered, the engineer began the highly advanced and convoluted process of stitching his new, cold robotic arm onto the newly formed hole. With the press of a button, the arm quickly sprang to life, its long, icy fingers gently humming with each movement. However, it didn’t take long before the arm began to develop a mind of its own.
In his tremendous excitement, the engineer failed to notice his new fangled arm slowly undoing his trouser buttons. He stared awkwardly into the prosthetic arm as it grasped his bleach white undies, gradually slipping them down his sweaty, hairy, trembling calf. “What exactly did brother program that table for?” he mumbled in horror, his pale white face oozing with complete mortification. Reaching over to switch off the arm, he stopped midway when he noticed it beginning to slowly rub his hardening shaft, the icy fingers slowly massaging up and down with each gentle mechanical hum. The engineer hopped onto his desk after quickly brushing a few rusty tools aside, his hand still slamming up and down his erection. A rocket of semen ejected from his reddened member, splatting on and oozing down his hairy, sweat dripping chest. The robot hand began searching around before taking hold of a medium sized screwdriver. To the engy’s surprise, the hand began to shove the handle end of it right into his waiting anus. The engineer had never experimented with placing objects in his ass before, but the thick hard plastic of the screw driver handle ramming into his rectal cavity sent him into an orgasmic bliss. The robotic arm reached for an even larger screw driver, stretching the Engy’s rectal walls even farther than before. However something was wrong; the engineer began to feel little icy cold specs filling his ass, and with a glance, he noticed the hand shoving a fistful of metal tacks into his reddened stretched asshole. The engineer screamed in horror, however, his scream was cut short by the robotic hand as it sent its cold metal fist across the engy’s bitching mouth, shattering his nose and knocking out several teeth. The hand raised the hack saw previously used in the arm removal operation and sent it soaring into the bloody Texan ass, stretching it profoundly and tearing through the rectal wall, embedding unstuck tacks into his colon. As the saw blade ripped straight out of the exposed ass, a puddle of feces began to form, slowly spilling down the edges.
Taking fistfuls of revolting, corny, excrement, the fist jammed them one after another into the engineer’s gushing mouth. As each clump slid down his throat, the tacks inside began to stick to the walls of his throat. Looking down with his bloodshot, teary eyes, the engineer watched, his mouth stuffed with an awful concoction made up of feces, blood and tacks as the hand grasped for his wrinkly, hairy scrotum. A single tear dripped down his bloody cheek as his testicles were crushed by the vice-like grip of the robotic fist; he could feel the fluids inside bursting out of each testicle and filling up into the now vacant sac. The muscles in the engineer’s neck gave up and his head smashed down onto the table, his hardhat falling off and tumbling onto the floor below. His mouth opened up and his eyes rolled back, the Engineer’s body now a lifeless ragdoll.
“And that is exactly why we couldn’t make the Engineer update, Mr. Walker.” Robin eyed the employees curiously, his hand gently stroking the Australian peach fuzz on his chin. “Hmm. Fair enough.” he muttered. “Continue changing game balance and adding more community hats so people on the steam forums can bitch and moan.”
“You got it, sir!”
TL;DR: Engy update canceled.