1. Post #1
    Gold Member
    OogalaBoogal's Avatar
    November 2008
    4,079 Posts
    In the ask us about the forum thread, I was reminded of the Anonymous confessional threads of past, and I decided to give it a go. Hopefully it will all work out alright!

    Send your confessions here : fp.anonymous.confessional@gmail.com

    Rules:
    The confessional will not be posted in this thread if it is too short, racist, or dumb. If there is hate towards another user, it won't be posted either.
    Signing with a pen name is okay
    Don't use this as your diary. If you do, I'll drop the signature, as well as "signature content".
    Don't speculate as to the poster's identity.

    Other things:
    If you want something special to go along with your confession, such as a serious reply, just tell me. I'll see what I can do.
    If you just want advise from me, you can email the confessional email address.

    Your username and email will NEVER EVER be posted, even if you ask for it to be!


    PREVIOUS THREADS (first 3 have been lost to the sands of time)
    Facepunch Anonymous Confessional
    Facepunch Anonymous Confessional v2
    Facepunch Anonymous Confessional v3

    Facepunch Anonymous Confessional v4
    Facepunch Anonymous Confessional v5 (BLOG EDITION!)
    Facepunch Anonymous Confessional v6

    Send me some of your stories!
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  2. Post #2
    tonks erryday
    Orkel's Avatar
    January 2005
    26,093 Posts
    It's just not the same without hezzy
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  3. Post #3
    ~gay boi~
    Chickens!'s Avatar
    July 2010
    14,534 Posts
    It's just not the same without hezzy
    Give him a chance anyway.
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  4. Post #4
    Gold Member
    markg06's Avatar
    September 2006
    11,048 Posts
    It's just not the same without hezzy
    I disagree, there's still going to be barely anyone sending anything in.
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  5. Post #5
    Gold Member
    OogalaBoogal's Avatar
    November 2008
    4,079 Posts
    It's just not the same without hezzy
    I agree, but I will do my best to make some good comments at the end of every confession.
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  6. Post #6
    Gold Member
    Croix's Avatar
    May 2008
    2,747 Posts
    I have been waiting. I wish Hezzy was still making these though, where'd he disappear off to?
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  7. Post #7
    Gold Member
    OogalaBoogal's Avatar
    November 2008
    4,079 Posts
    I have been waiting. I wish Hezzy was still making these though, where'd he disappear off to?
    He was permabanned.

    Edited:

    Well, guess I needed to get this off my chest somewhere. I'm a compulsive liar.

    I just can't help it, and often times it's about the smallest, most mundane things. Like, I'll go up to a friend and say "I went fishing on the weekend" when I didn't, as an example. I have no idea why I do it, and it's gotten me into trouble more than once.

    Whenever I do, I feel guilty about it, knowing some of the bigger things I have said could be really hurtful to some people, and yet I continue to do it. The few people I have told have all reacted rather adversely to this, and I usually get replies of "What the fuck is wrong with you" or the like. The other few that didn't say anything negative about it, I can tell they take everything I say with a grain of salt now. I guess that's why the whole anonymity of this is appealing.
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  8. Post #8
    Gold Member
    Mister Royzo's Avatar
    June 2007
    4,136 Posts
    I once drove over a family with my car. I sometimes still think of the horror of getting my insurance to cover for that dent getting fixed.

    Edited:

    Wait, how does this thread work again?
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  9. Post #9
    tonks erryday
    Orkel's Avatar
    January 2005
    26,093 Posts
    Give him a chance anyway.
    Ofcourse.
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  10. Post #10
    QueenElizebeth's Avatar
    October 2009
    316 Posts
    He was permabanned.

    Edited:
    no no no, you post them all in a big post, not as they come in
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  11. Post #11
    Gold Member
    SappinMyNick's Avatar
    December 2008
    2,532 Posts
    no no no, you post them all in a big post, not as they come in
    He is probably just doing it right now, to get out atleast some content. I'm sure he will make big posts later on.

  12. Post #12
    Dennab
    April 2011
    503 Posts
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  13. Post #13
    Gold Member
    OogalaBoogal's Avatar
    November 2008
    4,079 Posts
    He is probably just doing it right now, to get out atleast some content. I'm sure he will make big posts later on.
    Yeah, I have very little content.

    Also, could a mod change this thread to V7?

  14. Post #14

    August 2007
    514 Posts
    God, I missed these. I wish you, OP, good fortune and smooth sailing in the creation and maintenance of this thread.
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  15. Post #15
    Sorry about the downtime, now buy shit.
    CrispexOps's Avatar
    February 2010
    1,588 Posts
    He was permabanned.
    Because he's the hero Facepunch deserves, but not the one it needs right now.
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  16. Post #16
    looking rad, feeling sad
    Slowbro's Avatar
    April 2011
    4,406 Posts
    Yay, a new confessional. Looking forward to more sick and twisted revelations.
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  17. Post #17
    ask me for a rust key :~)
    LordCrypto's Avatar
    December 2008
    18,452 Posts
    Fix your old thread links, they should be facepunch.com/threads/threadid

    Edited:

    and v4 is the first one that works.
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  18. Post #18
    Even if it isn't Hezzy, I want this to work.

    It's been too long.
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  19. Post #19
    PIRATE METAL BASTARD
    Zenpod's Avatar
    October 2009
    7,528 Posts
    I hope there is more Incest this time
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  20. Post #20
    Gold Member
    Fhenexx's Avatar
    December 2009
    6,091 Posts
    It's nice to see someone try doing this again, even if isn't Hezzy with his hilarious commentary.

    Hope it's successful.
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  21. Post #21
    I remember these threads. I laughed my ass off at the last one. I wonder how long it'll take for an Incest one.

  22. Post #22
    Pretiacruento's Avatar
    September 2009
    9,671 Posts
    Last week I was remembering these threads! Glad to see one of these again.

    Keep those confessions pouring in, OP! :D

  23. Post #23
    Gold Member
    OogalaBoogal's Avatar
    November 2008
    4,079 Posts
    If you thought you knew me, I seem like a happy guy with a few really close friends and a bunch of friends I talk to regularly. I've always been the "smart kid" since I've been in the GT (Gifted and Talented) program since the first grade. I'm not exactly popular but everyone knows my family since we've lived here for nearly 20 years, and my dad's lived here his entire life.

    The thing is, though, no one knows me. That explains the "though" in the first sentence, if you were wondering. People talk about "wearing masks" around different groups of peers, but it's like I've taken it a step further. I'm wearing so many masks I doubt I could find my real face if I tried.

    About those few close friends I mentioned, none of them are really close friends. One of them I've known almost my entire life, and I consider him my "best friend" but we rarely talk anymore and any time we do I end up getting annoyed or frustrated. My other "close friends", I barely even like. At the lunch table we make stupid, perverted jokes to make the others laugh at the innuendos, but it's all an act. I may be laughing, but I'm disgusted at myself for saying such things. I'm disgusted at myself about pretty much everything I do anymore (as I write this I knowingly procrastinate on five projects that I knowingly lied about finishing to my parents.)

    None of my friends have anything in common with me. The few of them that like video games have grown out of them and call me immature for playing them, and the few that haven't stopped playing them play with each other and don't even consider inviting me. It's as if I stop existing after classes have let out for the day. No one invites me to anything, which drives them even further away, making me think less about taking my masks off, less that I already was thinking of it. Three of my friends have planned a road trip next summer, though the four of us had already planned one the summer before. They're going to do everything that we had planned, they're just cutting me out of it. It makes me feel lonely.

    I'm a compulsive liar. I saw another post in the thread about this also, and I can relate. I lie about the stupidest things, even if it doesn't matter. "Did you finish off the tape?" "No", I say, though I did. I lie through my teeth as if they're glued together, and if I get caught I fortify my story with more and more lies until eventually I can't get out of it. Even if I lie and it'd just be easier to tell the truth than try to explain it with lies, I'll lie some more. It's disgusting.

    To top it off, I've lost my religion. I know that Facepunch is a primarily Atheist forum, and many of you would quote this and say "That's a good thing!", I don't feel like it's a good thing. It adds to the loneliness even more, because everyone I consider "friends" are religious, and my parents and brother are devout Christians. Doubt has been creeping into my mind for years, it's only lately that it's overpowered the faith. I don't have anyone to explain my situation to because they'd all look down on me for it. I don't want to be lonelier than I already am. I don't want my parents or my brother to look down on me and be disappointed. I want to believe again. I desperately want to believe again.

    But I can't. I can't believe in God, I can't quit lying, I can't go on with the crushing loneliness that fake lives bring. But if I revealed my true self, no one would like me. People like Fake Me. People used to invite Fake Me to parties and to spend the night. Then Real Me started to come out and now everyone's moving away. They're moving on and just leaving me behind. They're growing up and I'm stuck in the past. I just want it all to end.
    Going to answer this one seriously cause I feel too empathetic: Go to college/university. It will get so much better.

    I have a huge mayonnaise fetish. It started when I was about 10, and I stuck my penis in a mayonnaise bottle and it felt really good. Sometimes I rub mayonnaise on my dog's arsehole and I stick the head of my penis into it since I can't fit the whole thing. I can't watch porn without something that actually resembles mayonnaise being in it. It's tearing my love life apart.
    Semen looks like mayonnaise, problem solved!



    These confessions below are far too short! But because I am lacking content, I'll post them!

    i drove my dads car yesterday, the clutch started slipping and i didnt tell him. It slips when you shift at high rpm, i hope he doesnt notice
    That's not very nice, I think the Automotive Addicts want to have a word with you.
    I actually masturbated by putting peanut butter on my dick and jerking it as a dog licked it.
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  24. Post #24
    I do it all
    fruxodaily's Avatar
    November 2010
    14,155 Posts
    I actually masturbated by putting peanut butter on my dick and jerking it as a dog licked it.
    That sounds like somebody at my school who did that and was caught by his brother.
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  25. Post #25
    05' Elitist
    morgul's Avatar
    November 2005
    270 Posts
    I don't know what happened to Hezzy, and why he is not here anymore.
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  26. Post #26
    Gold Member
    OogalaBoogal's Avatar
    November 2008
    4,079 Posts
    I don't know what happened to Hezzy, and why he is not here anymore.
    He made the minecraft forum without asking Garry, I think there was some other things too.
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  27. Post #27
    I don't know what happened to Hezzy, and why he is not here anymore.
    Creative differences.
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  28. Post #28
    Gold Member
    RoflKawpter's Avatar
    December 2007
    2,594 Posts
    one time i went to the supermarket and it was so embarassing because i was in the pruduce aisle and i was pushing my cart and i farted acidentaly and someone was behind me so i was so embarass(ass lol)ed
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  29. Post #29
    imasillypiggy's Avatar
    December 2009
    8,851 Posts
    The original Facepunch Anonymous Confessional is what got lurk this forum so i'm so happy someone made a new one. Hazzy isn't here anymore but this should be good as long as people give op content.
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  30. Post #30
    ZF911's Avatar
    March 2010
    3,308 Posts
    The original Facepunch Anonymous Confessional is what got lurk this forum so i'm so happy someone made a new one. Hazzy isn't here anymore but this should be good as long as people give op content.
    Well anyone can send the OP content all day long. What I'd prefer is true content.

  31. Post #31
    Gold Member
    OogalaBoogal's Avatar
    November 2008
    4,079 Posts
    I've been stealing a lot from my job recently. I work at a music and video store and lately I've just been tired of getting paid minimum wage and not being able to afford anything that I want. For example, I took all three seasons of Samurai Jack because normally that would cost $85. I don't feel good or bad about what I do, at this point it's become a hobby because I finally get to rewatch all of the old shows I watched as a kid. I go in to work every day with a plan on how to steal 4 DVDs every day. And because I've been there long enough they give me 4-5 days a week. I don't know why I'm confessing this, I don't really want help with stopping. But I figured people could get a good debate going about how much of an asshole I am or something.
    All the cool kids pirate their movies now-a-days, you seriously have some problems.
    This happened to me when I was 10:

    It was a late, Friday evening. I was just about to go to bed. I got a call from my friend, saying he wanted to come over. I was in a great mood and said "why the fuck not" and waited for him to come over.

    We had sex and he gave me a handjob.

    Getting to the point.
    So I kind of want this off my chest and I love you for making this new anonymous confessional.


    Anyway, when I was younger my older nephew took advantage of me. As I was a gullible child, at the young age of 8, my nephew basically talked me into having sex with him. Considering I didn't really know what he asked from me, I complied. I do not feel comfortable discussing the details.

    This has left me pretty fucked up, lovelife wise. I feel nothing for any of the women I lay with, I pretty much don't feel affection for anyone. I really don't specifically like anyone, but I keep a group a friends and the occasional girlfriend because I feel that that is what is expected of me. Basically, I guess you can call me a sociopath, although I have emotions, just not any emotion you could relate to feeling love or affection.
    So, the normal facepuncher, sociopath?

    Short but I shave my balls with other peoples razors and I can only fap while wearing clothes. I have even done it in public a dozen times.
    This isn't as odd as you think. There was this kid in my class one time...
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  32. Post #32
    I MADE THIS MY AVATAR FOR ATTENTION, PLEASE BAN ME
    Dr.HAXXXX's Avatar
    March 2010
    627 Posts
    I actually masturbated by putting peanut butter on my dick and jerking it as a dog licked it.
    wat
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  33. Post #33
    Gold Member
    SNNS-SEAN's Avatar
    August 2008
    1,688 Posts
    So I kind of want this off my chest and I love you for making this new anonymous confessional.


    Anyway, when I was younger my older nephew took advantage of me. As I was a gullible child, at the young age of 8, my nephew basically talked me into having sex with him. Considering I didn't really know what he asked from me, I complied. I do not feel comfortable discussing the details.

    This has left me pretty fucked up, lovelife wise. I feel nothing for any of the women I lay with, I pretty much don't feel affection for anyone. I really don't specifically like anyone, but I keep a group a friends and the occasional girlfriend because I feel that that is what is expected of me. Basically, I guess you can call me a sociopath, although I have emotions, just not any emotion you could relate to feeling love or affection.
    So instead of the cliche uncle molesting you, you, being the uncle were molested?
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  34. Post #34
    fuckingcake's Avatar
    March 2011
    572 Posts
    free hezzy 2011
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  35. Post #35
    Gold Member
    OogalaBoogal's Avatar
    November 2008
    4,079 Posts
    I found out a while ago I can perform autofellatio. Yeah....I've cummed and ate it as well. I was bored as fuck one winter day and I was like fuck, I wonder what it's like for those girls that take loads and eat it. So I went in my bathroom and laid on my back...and started jerking. After a few times of doing that (for whatever reason, I did it again and again in the following weeks), I for whatever fucking reason, wanted to blow myself. So I got in to position and and used my legs to push off of my sink counter and walla. It's not like I can literally blow myself, but I can get it in there..... I've been trying to stop because I feel like it's a weird thing to do and because I don't want to strain anything while being in the awkward position, but I guess, honestly, sometimes it's a nice change from the usual standard jacking off.

    Thing is, I'm actually straight. I sorta even have a dislike for gays. I'm positive I'm not in denial or any of that shit because I've NEVER had even remote attraction to guys. I fucking love pussy, not dick.
    Keep on saying that.

    I once jizzed on the floor. This floor had not been vacuumed for weeks. Dirt, dead insects, and old hair was laying on the floor. The dogs had been walking around in there with their dirty paws. Anyways, my parents were right outside the door. There was nothing i could clean the cum up with. Going out for a tissue was too risky, as they could might guess what i was doing.

    Then i licked the cum off the floor...
    Do you know what socks are for?

    I'm 16. (17 in 1 1/2 months). I'm a guy. I've never had sex before, gotten a blowjob/handjob, or even made out with someone. I used to think it was because I was nervous around girls, or I just didn't like the girl enough to do such a thing with her. I always just thought that I'm awkward and I'd never do any of those things. The girls aren't good enough, I'm not good enough. But I was wrong about why. Last year I was in the locker room, and I looked at this guy getting changed. I had the strangest urge of sexual tension. Looking at his package in his boxer briefs, then his ass and his pecs. Then it hit me. I'm Bisexual. I tried to ignore it.

    Months later, I tried to date a girl. We kissed. That's it. Still nothing more than a kiss and holding hands. We broke up after two months of nothing. (This time it was actually the girl's fault, she never could/wanted to hang hang out.) A month after we broke up, I was walking in the hallway of my school looking at all the girls passing me. I kept thinking "Wow, none of these girls are attractive" Then it progressed to "Really,no girls in my school are attractive". Then, A guy passed me. Again, sexual tension.

    That night, I went home and laid down in my bed, thinking. Thinking about how none of the girls in my school were attractive, and a lot of the guys were. The more I thought about it, the more I realized something: Girls aren't attractive to me. Not emotionally, or physically.

    I realized that I was gay.

    I am gay.

    And it sucks. No one knows, and I'm afraid to come out. All I want is love. A boy friend to love and to care for, and that loves and cares for me back. To be in love.

    But that will never happen.

    Not in this town.


    It was a late night, on a long weekend in February. I had one of my best friends over, whom I hadn't seen in a while, since we were now going to two different schools.
    What I'm going to say now, is that both this friend and I are bondage fetishists... so you know where this is going.
    So I was fourteen during this time, my friend was either thirteen or fourteen, I forget now. Anyway, what he suggested, is that we do a few "sessions" ourselves.
    Keep your pants on, though, neither of us lost our virginity that night. It was quite violating though. So here's how it first started:

    I think he was the first to be dominant over me, if I remember correctly. Since I had no rope available, I used some makeshift rope out of old shirts that didn't fit me anymore.
    So once I had the rope, I got on the bed in my room, put my hands behind my back, and he tied them tightly enough that I couldn't escape. We both enjoyed it a lot. Then, he did my legs. Not as tightly, but enough that I couldn't remove the bonds.
    Now, we already had the gagging planned. I'd had two stress balls that I'd poked holes through with pencil, and used more of that makeshift rope to turn it into a working ball gag. He stuffed it in my mouth, and tied it as tightly around my head as possible, making sure that in no way I could work it out of my jaws. Now the games started. He'd tickle my feet a little bit, with some sharp objects like pencils. He'd rub them up and down my ribs, and tell me to balance a ball on my head. Of course, whenever I dropped it, some punishment ensued, usually several backhand slaps to the face. Why I enjoyed it, I had no idea.
    Anyway, after about an hour of being left alone, he finally came to untie me. Now it was my turn.

    He untied all the knots successfully, and I did everything in the same order, only I tied his hands in front of him for one reason: I wasn't going to let him out until he solved a Rubik's cube.
    I then secured his feet, and tied the hand and feet ropes together, so he'd have to keep his legs in a butterfly position while he leaned over to solve it. Of course, he wasn't having much luck. So I started to have a little bit of fun now. So I did the same, tickling his feet, and rubbing and groping him in places that were extremely violating - His chest, under his armpits, and his calves and thighs. I'd put up some porn on my laptop for him, to distract him further from solving the cube. Also note that at this time, both of us were into furries. I could see a bulge coming from his track pants, and he started letting out a muffled groan. I continued rubbing his shoulders, and sitting behind him, caressing his body in all the wrong (or right?) places. It felt wrong, but at the same time it felt very right.

    In fact, just recently he told me he wants to do something just like that again. This time, he bought real ball gags, and I just got ten meters of Japanese bondage rope on eBay. If we're lucky, we'll get to do it by Thanksgiving.
    When I was 17, I went down the Jersey Shore for my friend's after-prom party. Anyways, there was this girl who had graduated a year earlier than us but came because she was good friends with some of us. She got really drunk and passed out. I got an idea that it would be funny to put my hard dick in her ear and so I did. One of my friends took a picture of it but the picture never left the house. Nobody ever told her about this moment. To this day, she has no idea that I once put my hard dick in her ear. I am 23 now.
    Good man.
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  36. Post #36
    Gold Member
    KingKombat's Avatar
    April 2009
    11,518 Posts
    hahahahahaha

    Edited:

    hahaha

    Edited:

    ho man
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  37. Post #37
    gerbile5's Avatar
    August 2010
    2,992 Posts
    OogalaBoogal's content posted:
    At the lunch table we make stupid, perverted jokes to make the others laugh at the innuendos, but it's all an act. I may be laughing, but I'm disgusted at myself for saying such things.
    i can completely relate to that. i do the same thing. \
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  38. Post #38
    Gold Member
    RedBlade2021's Avatar
    January 2008
    2,516 Posts
    I'm 16. (17 in 1 1/2 months). I'm a guy. I've never had sex before, gotten a blowjob/handjob, or even made out with someone. I used to think it was because I was nervous around girls, or I just didn't like the girl enough to do such a thing with her. I always just thought that I'm awkward and I'd never do any of those things. The girls aren't good enough, I'm not good enough. But I was wrong about why. Last year I was in the locker room, and I looked at this guy getting changed. I had the strangest urge of sexual tension. Looking at his package in his boxer briefs, then his ass and his pecs. Then it hit me. I'm Bisexual. I tried to ignore it.

    Months later, I tried to date a girl. We kissed. That's it. Still nothing more than a kiss and holding hands. We broke up after two months of nothing. (This time it was actually the girl's fault, she never could/wanted to hang hang out.) A month after we broke up, I was walking in the hallway of my school looking at all the girls passing me. I kept thinking "Wow, none of these girls are attractive" Then it progressed to "Really,no girls in my school are attractive". Then, A guy passed me. Again, sexual tension.

    That night, I went home and laid down in my bed, thinking. Thinking about how none of the girls in my school were attractive, and a lot of the guys were. The more I thought about it, the more I realized something: Girls aren't attractive to me. Not emotionally, or physically.

    I realized that I was gay.

    I am gay.

    And it sucks. No one knows, and I'm afraid to come out. All I want is love. A boy friend to love and to care for, and that loves and cares for me back. To be in love.

    But that will never happen.

    Not in this town.
    I think all gay highschoolers feel that way.
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  39. Post #39
    I think all gay highschoolers feel that way.
    I can imagine that'd be really hard.
    And awkward as fuck.
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  40. Post #40
    Giving Away Games
    WastedJamacan's Avatar
    December 2009
    4,126 Posts
    I love the confessional threads.
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